


Thantophobia

by archangelwithashotgun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Bottom Gabriel, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Foursome, Hurt Gabriel, Insecure Gabriel, Loving Castiel, Loving Dean, Loving Sam, M/M, Powerless Gabriel, Resurrection, Running Away, Scared Gabriel, Smut, Team Free Love, Team Free Love Big Bang 2016, Top Castiel, Top Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 19:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8636032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archangelwithashotgun/pseuds/archangelwithashotgun
Summary: Gabriel did not expect to be resurrected. He also did not expect to join the Winchesters and Castiel in their relationship, but he definitely wasn’t one to complain about either. In the beginning, he’s perfectly content with keeping it physical. But when he finds himself developing feelings towards where he had sworn never to do so, it becomes a question of whether he allows himself to love and be loved in return, or whether he should flee.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the 2016 Team Free Love Big Bang! I had a really great time writing this, and believe it or not, this is my first completed chapter story I've ever written!
> 
> The wonderful kd-heart on Tumblr / KD-art (KD-Heart) on AO3 created this beautiful artwork for the fic, and I love it to bits! Check it out with this link:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8634277

Dean frowned as he ducked down to peek inside the refrigerator. A moment later, he drew back with a grunt of dissatisfaction and glanced over his shoulder. “Dude, please tell me you didn’t eat the last of the enchiladas.”

Sam stiffened in obvious guilt before he looked up from his laptop and fixed Dean with a look of clearly exaggerated innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Dean scoffed and reached inside the refrigerator for a water bottle instead. He straightened up and closed the door.

“Fuck, I’m _starving_. Go out and get us some food, will ya?” he said, turning to walk out of the kitchen.

“Cas is already out, why don’t you call him up and ask _him_ to fetch something?” Sam asked, though he was already minimizing the news articles he was scrolling through and putting the monitor to sleep.

“Cas didn’t eat the last enchilada,” Dean shot back, pausing at the doorway to smirk at his brother.

Sam rolled his eyes amicably and rose from his seat. He patted his back pocket to ensure that his wallet was there before he followed Dean out of the kitchen and towards the main floor.

They had hit a calm, peaceful lull in their normally hectic hunting lives. They weren’t on any pending cases, nor did there seem to be any promising ones if the research Sam was undergoing was any indication. Sam, Dean, and Castiel knew better than to believe or even hope that this break would last long; a hunt could pop up at any moment, and they’d be ready to leave the Bunker when it did.

But that certainly did not mean that they wouldn’t indulge in the rarity of brief relaxation when it _did_ arrive.

“Any requests, or would you rather I just choose for you?” Sam asked, approaching the exiting staircase.

“Listen, Sammy. If it makes you wanna barf because it’s so damn mouth-watering and fattening and greasy and it doesn’t meet your rabbit food standards, _I want it_ ,” Dean said, sitting down and uncapping the water bottle. Sam chuckled and shook his head. Grabbing onto the stair railing, he began his ascent.

Barely a step later, Sam looked up.

And he froze in his place, his eyes wide.

“Dean,” Sam hissed in a sharp warning.

His brother didn’t say anything, but Sam could see Dean snap into motion in his peripheral vision and heard the echoing click of Dean’s gun cocking. Sam stood still, firmly staring at the silhouette standing on the top step. It was a man, but any other distinguishing features were overtaken by the shadows blanketing the second level. He was hunched over, his hand grasping at the horizontal railing. Sam’s face twitched into a frown at the quivering breaths that were emitting from the figure.

“Take one more step to get in here and I fill your ass with lead,” Dean murmured lowly, sliding in beside Sam, his shoulder edging gently against Sam’s chest. He raised his gun and fixed his aim on the intruder, narrowing his eyes darkly. “Who are you?”

At that, the man slowly lifted himself into a more upright position, though his hand remained curled around the railing. To the surprise of both Sam and Dean, a coarse laugh erupted from the stranger.

“Oh hell,” the man breathed, “It _is_ you two.”

Dean’s grip on his gun tightened in shock and Sam huffed out a sharp exhale at the familiar voice trickling down the stairs. Weaker, rougher, but still the _exact_ same voice.

Another laugh, a hand sliding down the railing, and Gabriel trudged into the light. He blew out a large, steadying breath, as if the simple action of walking forward two steps exhausted him, and his lips stretched into a loose grin.

“You mind sparing me the usual greeting where you drench and cut me for the moment? ‘Cause I think I’m gonna pass out,” Gabriel said in a rush of air, his form swaying dangerously near the edge of the landing and his grip on the railing loosening.

“ _Shit!_ ” Sam gasped and, ignoring his brother’s indignant cry of his name, climbed up the stairs two at a time to reach Gabriel just as the he fell forward.

Sam grunted as Gabriel crashed into his chest, Gabriel’s eyelids fluttering as he teetered between consciousness and unconsciousness. Sam immediately wrapped his arms securely around Gabriel, ensuring at that he didn’t stumble further. Still reeling from the fact that Gabriel was here and apparently _alive_ , Sam situated the angel until Gabriel was lifted and cradled in his arms. He carefully turned around to walk back down the stairs.

Dean was still aiming the gun at Gabriel, equal measures of disbelief and mistrust reflecting in his eyes.

“That’s _Gabriel_ ,” Dean stated in a hard voice, as if trying to implement that fact in his mind. “Gabriel’s _alive_?”

Sam came to a stop before Dean and nodded shakily, glancing down at the barely awake archangel. “I-I guess so.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Dean whispered before raising his voice. “ _Cas!_ Get down here, we have a bit of an archangel situation!”

“Where?”

Sam flinched at the sudden appearance of the seraph’s voice behind him, and he swiftly turned around and stepped back to allow Castiel room, trying not to jostle Gabriel too much. Castiel was at the center of the staircase, his eyes scanning the Bunker as he walked down. As soon as he took notice of who was currently taking residence in Sam’s arms, Castiel stilled, his bright blue eyes flaring wide with shock.

“Gabriel?” Castiel breathed.

“Is it really him?” Dean asked, not once removing his gun from where it was aimed at Gabriel’s head; in fact, Dean raised it even higher, holding it even steadier, his brows furrowed and his gaze hard. When he realized that Castiel had yet to say anything or even to move, Dean once again spoke up. “ _Cas_. Is it really Gabriel we’re dealing with here?”

Castiel gave a tiny flinch as Dean’s firm question snapped him out of his shock, briefly turning toward the elder Winchester in acknowledgement before returning his eyes to Gabriel. As he did, Castiel’s expression fell into something so much more open and _vulnerable_ than Sam and Dean were used to seeing on the seraph. Before either of them could ask though, Castiel was suddenly in motion, standing before Sam and Gabriel before anyone could even blink.

Dean and Sam watched in silence as Castiel slowly sucked in his bottom lip between his teeth and swallowed. He rose a hesitant, shaking hand towards Gabriel’s forehead, almost as if frightened. Or almost as if he were maybe searching for permission to touch Gabriel.

Gabriel said nothing, but instead slid his quivering eyes shut with a broken sigh, his body sagging even lower in Sam’s embrace. That appeared to be all Castiel needed, for the angel reached out and pressed his palm against Gabriel’s forehead, his own eyes slipping shut.

For a moment, no one said anything. No one did anything. Sam and Dean waited with bated breath; Sam’s hands clenched around Gabriel even tighter, while Dean’s fingers remained coiled in a sturdy grip around his weapon.

Finally, after what felt like hours waiting for the verdict, Castiel opened his eyes with a gasp and a cracked sob.

“It’s Gabriel,” Castiel confirmed, nodding his head jerkily. “This is Gabriel.”

A breath choked from Sam’s throat, and the hunter tightened his grip on Gabriel as he hoisted him a little higher in his arms. Dean’s glare of distrust softened at the revelation, but he had yet to lower his weapon. Both Winchesters focused their stares with new attention towards Gabriel. His eyes were opened to slits, white visible through the thin crack. He was breathing, level and deep, and there were no visible wounds.

“But why – why is he like this?” Sam asked worriedly, glancing back up at Castiel.

“He’s weak,” Castiel continued. His overwhelmed expression dampened down as he said this, and he scanned over Gabriel’s body once more in close scrutiny. “ _Very_ weak. He hardly has any Grace in him.”

“He’s powerless?”

Castiel shook his head, his head tilting minutely. “At the moment, yes. But he still appears to hold the capacity to reform his Grace. His – His batteries just need charging, in a matter of speaking. But…”

“But what, Cas?” Sam asked as the angel fell quiet, his jaw muscle twitching.

“His actual capacity for holding Grace – how much battery life he’s able to obtain, to follow the same metaphor – it’s significantly less than one would expect. Especially for an archangel,” Castiel said.

“Less?” Dean spoke up, slowly lowering his gun at long last. Dean frowned at the angel standing before them, uncocking his gun and holstering it in the back of his jeans. “What do you mean _less_?”

“I… I cannot say for certain,” Castiel confessed. “But it appears equivalent to that of an angel of my ranking: a seraph.”

“He’s a _seraph_ now?” Dean barked.

“Well, I don’t – “

“Guys,” Sam’s voice cut in briskly. “We all have questions. And as much as we want answers, can I just put Gabriel somewhere where he can rest first? Also, my arms are getting tired.”

Castiel nodded and stepped aside. “Of course, Sam.”

Dean definitely looked a bit more reserved about allowing the allegedly dead archangel into the Bunker, but the gentle look of an expectant plea shining in Sam and Castiel’s eyes was enough to coax a deep sigh and stiff nod from the older hunter. Dean jerked his head toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

“You can lay him in one of the spare rooms,” Dean said gruffly, turning back to the table in the war room.

Sam grunted as he once again resituated Gabriel more comfortably in his arms. He traded a small smile with Castiel before he began to walk in the direction of the rooms. Not surprisingly, Castiel followed closely behind him.

“What do you think this means, Cas?” Sam asked as they walked into the privacy of the Bunker corridors. “Why is Gabriel back? What happened to him?”

“I cannot answer those questions, Sam,” Castiel responded, cerulean orbs glistening in apology. “That’s something for Gabriel to tell us, and that’s if he is able to.”

Sam ducked his head in acknowledgement. His arms gave a protesting ache underneath Gabriel’s weight, and he lengthened his stride a bit to get to the bedroom faster.

As they walked, both Castiel and Sam’s thoughts drifted toward Gabriel. A whirlwind of shock and disbelief from the sudden reappearance of Gabriel in their lives when he was supposed to be dead sent them reeling. Along with that, fear and anxiety was present in the atmosphere. Resurrection was suspicious enough on its own, but the resurrection of an archangel? Something big had to be coming.

“You mind getting the blanket?” Sam asked, walking into the room and to the bedside.

Castiel obeyed and grabbed the discarded blanket from the floor as Sam gingerly placed Gabriel on the mattress. The archangel was still and silent, signs of the earlier battle for awareness all but lost in the midst of his slumber. Sam couldn’t help the small twitch of his lips as he fought down a smile, his gaze tracing the frown and laugh lines creased into Gabriel’s face.

“Perhaps we should… we should remove some of his clothing?” Castiel suggested lowly. Sam wrenched his eyes away from Gabriel and toward Castiel; the angel was absently picking at the blanket, staring down at Gabriel with melancholic somberness. “So that he can be more comfortable.”

Sam nodded easily at the idea and turned back to Gabriel. He just now realized that Gabriel’s clothes – a simple red t-shirt, jeans, and hoodie – were dull with filth and nearly worn down to rags, the edges torn and damp with perspiration. His sneakers were worse off, the soles ripped and frayed beyond repair.

Judging by Gabriel’s hedonistic personality, there was no way that Gabriel would have allowed the current state of the shoes and clothing, which indicated that Gabriel actually walked a long trek to get to where he was.

“He’s, uh, maybe… Can you maybe clean him up a bit?” Sam asked, straightening up and looking at Castiel sheepishly. “We can’t clean him manually right now, and I just…”

The corners of Castiel’s eyes crinkled fondly. “I can do that.”

Sam smiled thinly and stepped back, allowing Castiel to move forward to stand at Gabriel’s side. Castiel gently lowered two fingers to press against Gabriel’s forehead. Immediately, a warm glow rushed throughout Gabriel’s body from the soft contact. It left behind skin clear all of prior filth, Gabriel’s hair drying from sweat and debris. In an instant, Gabriel was looking much better than ever, save for the clothes he was wearing.

“Thanks, Cas,” Sam whispered.

Castiel’s lips lifted slightly, and he clasped a firm hand over Sam’s shoulder. “We should undress him from these clothes now. We can replace them with what we have.”

Sam nodded, clapping his hand tenderly over Castiel’s. “He’s, um, he’s probably gonna have to borrow from you until we can make a run.”

“I don’t mind,” Castiel replied softly.

Sam turned to look at the angel. Castiel was watching Gabriel closely, his brows pinched together and his eyes crumbled in distress. Sam pressed his lips together and squeezed around Castiel’s hand. The angel broke from his stare and looked up at Sam, blinking lightly.

“I just…” Castiel began, his throat bobbing with a rough swallow and looking back down at Gabriel. “I should have done _more_. When he was – when he was there, right in front of me, when Metatron was… I should have done more to see if he was really out there.”

Sam squeezed Castiel’s hand again. “You couldn’t have known, Cas. You said yourself that Metatron had set the entire thing up to trick you.”

“The trick was up the moment I uncovered Gabriel,” Castiel replied, turning tortured eyes onto Sam. “I even asked him if he was alive. He didn’t provide me with a straight answer, or _any_ kind of answer. It was Gabriel, mischievously ambiguous as ever... I should have done more.”

“You’re helping him now, Cas,” Sam whispered. “I don’t know Gabriel all that well, but from what I could tell, I know he loves his family. He’ll understand.”

Castiel’s expression remained equal parts convinced and doubtful, but he nodded. Gently, Sam leaned back and pressed a chaste kiss to Castiel’s forehead.

“Shoes and jeans first, and then I’ll lift him up so you can get his hoodie and shirt?” Sam murmured.

“Okay,” Castiel agreed.

With another kiss to Castiel’s temple, the two of them separated and got to work.


	2. Chapter 2

_There was hardly conscious thought where he was. It was thick and meaningless. That was about the bulk of what he understood. Dark haze clouded him, enveloping and consuming him. He was lost. The only thought that managed to register coherently in his mind as he floated aimlessly was that there was no pain._

_Rather, it was just heavy._

_Like those chasing dreams humans describe having that result in their legs and arms weighing them down, taking them nowhere and thrumming panic throughout their body._

_That’s what it felt like. But without the panic, and without the pain._

_. . ._

_Well._

_At first, anyway._

::

Gabriel sucked in a sharp breath and lurched up from the mattress, his chest slamming into his knees with the harsh movement. The dull ache was barely noticed as Gabriel’s lungs fluctuated with panted gasps, his eyes blown wide with panic. A thin sheen of cold sweat coated his body, sticking his shirt to his skin and plastering his fringe to his forehead. Gabriel’s body racked with a fierce shiver, tiny groans of agony leaking into his voice, and his eyes slid shut as he rode out the lasting stabs of phantom pain from his dream.

Little by little, the pain ebbed away until it was just a muffled throb hidden in the depths of his mind, and Gabriel reopened his eyes as he became more aware of his waking surroundings.

Once he adjusted to the dim light, Gabriel realized that he was in a bedroom, lying on a firm mattress and a blanket of soft fabric bunched up underneath his coiled fists. The walls and furniture were bare of any personal touch, and door was ajar to let in a stream of light from the lit hallway.

Gabriel blinked hard and moaned lowly, pressing the heel of his hand to his eye as flashes of memories cut through his brain. The Winchesters. He had shown up at the Men of Letters’ Bunker, and the Winchesters were here.

Well, he supposed he could have been a lot worse off. Now it was just a matter of finding out just where the Winchesters were right now, and why they hadn’t just kicked him to the curb when he first showed up.

Gabriel dropped his hand from his face and let it fall on the sheets with a muffled slap. The warmth of the blanket contrasted sharply with the numbness that swept through his fingertips, and Gabriel became aware that he was really _cold_. Gabriel flung his legs over the edge of the bed and wrapped the blanket around himself tightly, sighing out a quivering breath of relief as he gradually warmed up.

Gabriel closed his eyes and focused inward, searching for the feeble archangel Grace within him. A long sigh blew past his lips as he located it; it was there, and considerably stronger than it had been before, but it was still much weaker than he would like. He’d do well to not waste it with flashy powers or even flying. Gabriel refrained from groaning out loud at the prospect. He was definitely going to have to have a sit down with the Winchesters whether he wanted to or not.

He slid forward off the bed and flinched hard at the stab of ice to his feet from the concrete floor. Teeth gritted, Gabriel stood up and walked toward the door.

Only it suddenly swung open, causing Gabriel to leap back in shock as Dean suddenly walked in.

Dean took in a startled breath, his apple-green eyes widening as he took in the blanket-clad archangel before him. For a moment, neither of them said anything, a thick cloud of uncertainty hovering over them.

“Umm… so,” Dean muttered, jerking his head over to Gabriel. “You’re alive.”

Gabriel nodded, forcing a smirk on his face. “And kickin’. So are you, it seems.”

Dean’s jaw muscles twitched lightly as he worked up a response or a question or maybe even an insult, but before Gabriel could find out which it was, a shadow crossed through the threshold of the door and Castiel walked into the room, eyes scanning the darkened surroundings before falling upon Gabriel. Blue waves shifted into calming waters as Castiel breathed out a relieved grin toward Gabriel.

“Brother, it’s so good to see you,” Castiel rejoiced.

Then, much to Gabriel’s bewilderment, Castiel marched forward and quickly enveloped Gabriel in a firm hug. Gabriel grunted with the impact of Castiel’s chest against his own, and his hands floundered with confusion, unsure as to whether he should hug Castiel back. But then he felt a comforting stream of seraph Grace caressing his own, soothing him with Castiel’s familiar touch, and Gabriel closed his eyes and gave Castiel the slightest nudge back with his own faltering Grace. Castiel’s Grace surged up with affection, and Gabriel was able to comfortably lift his arms to wrap around his brother, tightening his embrace with an elongated sigh.

“Gabriel,” Castiel murmured, pulling out of the hug seconds later. “How are you feeling?”

Gabriel stepped back, the comfort of the moment gone and replaced with the former awkward feeling of intrusion. Gabriel sighed and scratched at his head, frowning as he noted that he actually felt _itchy_ enough to scratch.

“Cold. Sore. Hungry. Shit, I always forget what a _pain_ it is to be human,” Gabriel answered in a frustrated growl.

“Wait, this has happened to you before?” Dean asked, his brows pinching together.

“Not quite to this extent, but yeah, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to rely on human means so that my Grace can be restored,” Gabriel affirmed with a humorless smile. “Usually comes with the enemy territory of a Trickster.”

“Can’t imagine why,” Dean said blankly, his expression creased with sarcasm.

Gabriel just scowled at him. Castiel sighed at the lingering hostility between the two and turned to his brother. “Gabriel… What happened to you? We thought you were dead.”

Gabriel both softened and bristled simultaneously at Castiel’s concern. He didn’t need concern, least of all Castiel’s, no matter how consoling it felt. He ran his teeth over his bottom lip and glanced over to Dean, noticing the missing hunter from the room.

“Can we just… Is Sam here?” he asked, fighting to keep the defensive out of his voice. “It’d be easier to just explain it in one go. Plus, this isn’t something I’d be too fond of recounting more than once.”

“He’s in our library, trying to help find an answer to… whatever it is that happened to you,” Dean said, gesturing to Gabriel’s general vicinity. “I’ll just uh… I’ll let him know you’re here.”

There was nothing more said as Dean turned around and walked out of the room.

Castiel turned sheepishly toward his brother. “Dean’s just a little… wound up. None of us expected you to be alive, and given your history—“

“Eh, don’t apologize for him, bro,” Gabriel dismissed with wave of his hand. “I actually expected a lot worse from him. From all of you, actually. We didn’t exactly part on friendly terms.”

He hadn’t meant that statement maliciously or even to be taken on such a serious level, but to Gabriel’s shocked horror, Castiel seemed to take it as just that; his shoulder drooped and his head ducked down in a resigned manner. Fierce sorrow radiated from Castiel’s Grace, tangible enough in the room that it almost suffocated Gabriel.

“I never…” Castiel began, his voice low and thick. Gabriel winced from the sound of it. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you dead, Gabriel, and I wish that—“

“Stop.”

Castiel froze and glanced back up at his brother. Gabriel’s eyes slid shut and he took in a breath at the devastation that coated Castiel’s face.

“Just stop,” he continued, shaking his head and reopening his eyes. “It’s not gonna change the past, Castiel. What’s done is done. Besides, any hostility is pretty much warranted; I was _quite_ the dick to you guys. So save the apologies and what-ifs for someone who actually deserves them, yeah?”

Castiel stared forlornly at Gabriel, an adamantly unconvinced glint still shining in his expression, but nodded meekly all the same. Gabriel ignored the tiny prod in his brain that knew Castiel was unlikely to let this particular subject drop and only agreed to appease Gabriel for the time being.

He internally sighed and untangled his hand from the blanket surrounding him. Without a word, Gabriel took the small step forward into Castiel’s space and curled a firm hand around Castiel’s neck, giving a rough but affectionate squeeze.

“It’s really good to see you, baby bro,” Gabriel said, his trademark smirk softening into a sincere smile.

It took a short moment for the light of Castiel’s eyes to flare up once more with happiness and Castiel smiled back, his hand reaching up to wrap around Gabriel’s forearm.

“Likewise, Gabriel,” Castiel replied.

Gabriel tightened his fingers around Castiel’s neck one more time before letting go, his arm slipping from Castiel’s grasp as he tucked himself completely back inside the blanket, a small shiver of delight running up his spine at the resulting heat underneath. Gabriel tightened the blanket around himself and plastered a grin on his face, shoving down the coiling and dull ache his declaration caused.

“C’mon, let’s go find Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan,” Gabriel suggested merrily as he trudged towards the door, awkwardly wincing at the cold striking his feet with every step. “Can’t imagine they’d wanna wait around any longer.”

“Gabriel, are you cold?” Castiel asked.

Gabriel paused, turning around to quirk a brow at his brother. “Well, apparently losing Grace is shit for maintaining our vessel’s internal thermostat, y’know?”

Castiel frowned and stepped forward. Gabriel was still as he approached, watching with curiosity as Castiel stopped directly in front of him and lifted two fingers up towards Gabriel’s forehead. Castiel stopped short of touching skin, his face pinched in question. Gabriel simply nodded and closed his eyes.

When Castiel’s fingers touched him, Gabriel sucked in a sharp breath as his entire body was incased in heat, tingles of warmth spreading rapid-fire through his veins and flooding through what felt like every atom and molecule inside Gabriel’s body. It felt _wonderful_ , and Gabriel couldn’t help the pleased groan that escaped his lips.

“Feel better?”

Gabriel opened his eyes, catching Castiel’s stare. Gabriel sighed happily and nodded, slowly removing the blanket off of his shoulders. “Yeah, loads better. Thanks, Cas.”

“You’re welcome,” Castiel nodded, a smile still playing at his lips. “Now we can go find Sam and Dean.”

Gabriel nodded, gesturing toward the door. “Lead the way!”

The two angels walked in the direction of the Men of Letter’s library in a comfortable silence. Gabriel trailed slightly behind Castiel, following his brother out of the hall littered with bedrooms. As they arrived at the library, they found Sam and Dean sitting at the table in the middle of the room, Sam’s foot bouncing with impatience underneath his chair.

“Hiya, boys!” Gabriel called with a grin, announcing his and Castiel’s presence. “Long time, no squabble!”

While Dean calmly removed his feet from where they were resting at top of the table, Sam’s reaction was more abrupt; as soon as Gabriel’s voice rang throughout the Bunker, Sam’s head snapped over to where he and Castiel were entering the library space, his eyes wide with shock and wonder, before suddenly standing up, his chair skidding back with a loud clatter.

“Hey!” Sam greeted, his gaze flickering frantically over Gabriel, his fingers twitching restlessly at his sides. “Um, how-how are you feeling?”

“Peachy keen, kiddo,” Gabriel replied with a wink. “Well, as peachy as a dead-man-come-back would feel, but you’d all know about that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, speaking of that…” Dean said, stepping forward.

Gabriel paused and glanced over at him. After a brief moment of silence, Gabriel swallowed and took in a deep, sobering breath, all previous mischievousness bleeding out of him and replaced with a somber mood. “Right.  Explanations.”

Sam flinched out of his frozen state and waved Gabriel forward, gesturing toward one of the seats at the table. Gabriel nodded his thanks and quietly made to sit, collapsing into the indicated chair with a large sigh. Patiently, he waited for each of the others to get situation, Sam and Dean sitting down as well while Castiel opted to lean against the nearest wall.

“So what do you guys want to know first?” Gabriel asked, lightly scratching at the wooden table surface.

“How about let’s start with how long you’ve been back,” Dean said, leaning his elbows onto the table.

Gabriel gnawed on his inner cheek. “Well… if you want to get _technical_ … I would say I’ve been back for about a year and a half, give or take.”

“… A year and a half?” Sam asked, his brows drawing together in confusion. “But—“

“What, you didn’t think to send a postcard?” Dean interrupted, his tone laced with heavy sarcasm and his eyes flashing with impending danger. Gabriel fought the urge to snarl as he faced him.

“That would be assuming I had the use of my hands to write the damn postcard,” Gabriel snapped.

“Wait,” Sam cut in, and his face opened considerably in bewilderment. Even Dean drew back at the unexpected response, while Castiel gaped in comprehensive horror. “What do you mean?”

Gabriel huffed out a hoarse breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay… we’ll start at the beginning then.”

Gabriel sighed and slumped slightly forward, resting his arms on the table with his head bowed as he gathered his thoughts. For all their likely impatience, Sam and Dean were silent as they waited for him to begin. With a deep breath and a careful, steely grin in place, Gabriel lifted his gaze. He took a moment to revel in the light shock coating the other three’s expressions at his rapid change of demeanor, but they said nothing as he began to speak.

“First thing you should all understand is that I could never have beaten my brother,” Gabriel started. “Even with my back-up powers as Loki, I was no match for him. Not now, and not ever.”

“So then…” Sam said, trailing off as he glanced down at his clasped hands before him. Dean remained more or less stoic, though his shoulders tensed as he slowly came to a conclusion.

“You _knew_ you weren’t going to get out of there alive.”

It wasn’t said as a question; Castiel’s voice reflected quiet horror at the implication of what Gabriel’s plan truly had been the night Lucifer killed him. Sam and Dean straightened up at this, gaping over toward Gabriel to see if he would affirm it.

Gabriel smirked lightly. “Give Cassie a gold star. Kali had me tied down too, so I couldn’t just pop out of there. My original plan was to just show up, get you two boneheads, and then leave. I should have considered the factor of Mercury being a cowardly little snit and calling Lucifer, or that extremely _annoying_ hero-complex you two have.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Those people would have died.”

“Had I fought, like you wanted me to, those same people along with you and Sam and everyone else within a thousand mile radius would have been a coat of fresh paint on the walls,” Gabriel shot back, linking his fingers tight together as he glared at Dean. “Or did you forget that while I may not be Michael, I was still an archangel, and I’m pretty sure a battle between two archangels is what you were trying to prevent in the first place, right?”

Dean held his own glare stubbornly, but Gabriel caught onto the slight flinch his words caused in the older hunter. Gabriel gave a short hum at that minor revelation and smirked maliciously.

“Since it did pan out that way, it was always going to end one way,” Gabriel said, a tint of bitterness lacing into his words. “I was stuck there, and I wasn’t about to fight my brother. I had to get you guys out.”

“But _why_?”

Gabriel looked over to Sam, brow raised; Sam was staring at him with a look of such desperate confusion, and Gabriel internally scowled at just how disarming that was. “Why what, Samsquatch?”

Sam’s face dropped into a minor bitchface at the nickname before the confusion was back, Sam’s tongue darting out to lick his lips nervously. “I mean… why even bother trying to save us in the end, if you knew what it was going to cost you? Why did you care?”

There was a short pause, and then Gabriel huffed out a short gust of air from his nostrils.

“I already told you, first time we met,” he answered brightly. “I like you guys. Can’t let my favorite compadres get themselves in trouble, now can I?” He finished his statement with a flourish of his brows and a wide smirk.

Maybe it was the truth concealed in a joke, or maybe it was a half-truth. Regardless, Gabriel wasn’t at all ready to dig that deep within himself and discover the real reason for his involvement in the Winchesters’ and Castiel’s lives. He was afraid of what he may find.

So he leaned back into his chair, arms crossed over his chest, and continued on. “So! Takeaway is that I saved your asses and got shanked for it. Lu… Lucifer did stab me. That much is definitely true.” Gabriel turned away from them at his minor stumble, lips pressed together tight.

“But then how are you alive right now?” Sam breathed.

Gabriel shrugged. “Honestly, I really wasn’t expecting to survive. I believed for sure I was dead. But I had one more trick up my sleeve that night that couldn’t hurt to try out.” Gabriel turned back toward them. “Remember that DVD I gave you?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean responded, blinking as the memory of the archangel shoving the plastic case into his stomach cropped up in his mind. “Um… thanks for that, by the way.”

Gabriel raised his brows in surprise; it was gruff and almost a little forced, but Dean’s gratitude actually appeared to be genuine. “Hm. You’re welcome.”

Dean huffed. “Don’t expect too much of that. What about the DVD? What there something we missed?”

Gabriel hummed in thought. “If you did, it was my fault. I didn’t leave any indication, and plus, I didn’t even think it was gonna work. See, thing is…” Gabriel raised his arms up to fold his hands behind his head. “… I inserted a bit of my Grace inside that DVD.”

 “What? But—“ Castiel spoke up, pushing away from the wall and stalking toward the table, hands darting forward to clench around the edge once he reached it. “Gabriel, that’s incredibly reckless! Why would you do that to yourself?!”

“Back up, back up,” Dean said, raising his hand in a calming manner toward Castiel. “What’s going on?”

Gabriel, eyes fixated firmly on his brother’s distressed and angry face, answered, “Basically, I went full Voldemort. I split my Grace right before I showed up for the showdown, and then I stored it inside that DVD. Think of it like a Horcrux. That’s essentially what I did.”

“And in the process,” Castiel growled, looking absolutely murderous as he glared down at Gabriel, “he purposefully shortened his capacity for Grace. He faced Lucifer with only half of his power, and that half was already frail from the separation.”

“Fuck,” Sam whispered, turning wide eyes toward Gabriel. “Is that true?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, big whoop. It doesn’t matter now—“

“Of _course_ it matters now!” Castiel roared, causing Sam and Dean to give a minor jump from the volume alone.

The lights within the Bunker began to flicker wildly, the bulbs crackling and zapping out a warning as they came close to combustion. Sam and Dean glanced between Castiel and Gabriel nervously, each unsure as to whether they should step in or stay out of it. Throughout the display of angelic power, Gabriel remained still, stoically staring back at the furious seraph.

“For all intents and purposes, you _eviscerated_ yourself, Gabriel!” Castiel bellowed, and there was a noticeable shift in the electrified air surrounding him as his voice broke into something much more despairing. “And you’re still in danger from the effects! You—You could have—“

“I could have died?” Gabriel finished shortly, his casual posture unwavering. “Yeah. I already knew that. It was extremely likely that I was going to, and I accepted it. But I didn’t die, did I?”

“That’s not the point, Gabriel,” Castiel murmured, and his rage visibly died down as the lights were coaxed back into their respective bulbs at their normal energy.

“Point is, I’m the big brother between us, Castiel,” Gabriel said lowly, face set in a hardened warning. “It’s not your position to question me. Nor do I need you to worry about me. I’m fine.”

Castiel opened his mouth as if to retort, and just as instantly thought better of it. His jaw wavered in silent speech, but Castiel closed his mouth once more and bowed his head in resignation.

That simple action stirred something inside of Dean, and he turned to look at Gabriel. Just in that moment alone, he saw himself and Sam from years ago within Castiel and Gabriel; a little brother who was trying so hard to try and get his older brother to understand that what he was doing wasn’t hurting just himself, but others that cared about him. And it was so, _so_ clear that Castiel cared about Gabriel. But Gabriel was an older brother just like Dean was, and Dean internally winced at how familiar the action of dismissing a younger brother’s concern appeared when Gabriel did it.

“Hey, look man,” Dean said, linking his fingers together in front of him. “I get it. I do. I know a little something about pain in the ass little brothers and their nagging and worrying.”

Dean sent a quick but fond look over to where Sam sat, not missing the small, amused breath that left Sam or the quirk of his lips. Dean turned back to Gabriel, who was still staring stubbornly toward Castiel.

“But he’s your brother. Forgoing any ranking you all had in Heaven before, he should be your brother first,” Dean continued. “I’m hoping that family means just as much to you now as it did before.”

Gabriel was silent for a long moment. Fortunately, he lost nearly all traces of former anger and ferocity of the ghost of the archangel within him. Now he was contemplative and thoughtful. Maybe a little remorseful, now that he took a closer look at Castiel.

Ah, hell.

Gabriel mustered up the strength inside of him and carefully slipped a few tendrils of his worn Grace toward Castiel. They were dim, but they were there, and they slowly slipped over Castiel’s shoulders in an imitation of a hug.

_Okay, bro. I’m sorry_ , he whispered through his Grace.

Castiel gave a tiny shiver, his eyes closing in response to Gabriel’s touch, and he gently nudged back with his own Grace. _I do care about you, Gabriel. I just worry that you’ve pushed yourself too hard this time. You’ve only just returned back to us._

_I know_ , Gabriel soothed. _Shhhh_.

Castiel’s shiver was more pronounced this time, and he opened his eyes.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said. “You need to rest and let your Grace rebuild the rest of the way.”

Gabriel shrugged and smiled wryly, though admittedly a bit tiredly as well. “Eh, you know me. I never could resist a fledgling in need.”

Castiel smiled in remembrance of better times and nodded.

“If what you’re both saying is true about splitting your Grace, then Castiel is right,” Sam said, watching the scene before him unfold but drawing no more unnecessary attention to what appeared to be a private conversation between the two angels. Sam twisted around in his seat to fully face Gabriel. “You do need your rest. It’s the easiest and quickest way we can think of to help you out. I couldn’t find anything in the Men of Letters’ library about this.”

“That’s probably because it’s literally never been done before,” Gabriel nodded. “I think I’m the first one to have ever attempted this. It’s serious taboo and forbidden and all those other delicious adjectives.”

“Whoa, new record for Heavenly stupidity,” Dean muttered.

“Heard that.”

“Meant to.”

Gabriel snickered, relieved to feel the tension in the room beginning to melt away.

Sam grinned and shook his head at the banter between the two most unlikely candidates in the room. Shreds of information revealed by both Castiel and Gabriel began to piece together in his mind. “So when you said ‘guard this with your life’ after giving me and Dean the DVD, did you also mean…”

“Maybe there was a part of me that was holding on to blind hope that it might work, but I wasn’t counting on it,” Gabriel replied. “So no. But since it did work, I am a little peeved that I woke up in the dust and rubble of Bobby Singer’s house.”

Sam flinched. “Yeah. Things… things got a little nuts after you gave us that DVD.”

“I’ve heard,” Gabriel quipped.

“You heard?” Castiel asked, frowning. “How?”

Gabriel gently rapped his knuckles against his left temple. “Angel radio. Came back after I spent a few months rebuilding my Grace, and let me tell ya, dealing with millions of voices in your head with the conscious of a damn near _human_ mind? Not fun.”

Sam winced. “Yeesh.”

“It got better as time went on and my Grace was a bit more up to speed,” Gabriel continued with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulder. “I could have waited to build up my entire archangel power, but I kind of got impatient. Once it was able to withstand the amount of Grace within a typical seraph, I tried flying. It worked only in small spurts, but enough that I was able to find traces of you guys around the states until I narrowed it down to Lebanon. Then I walked around, trying to see if I could track you down by foot. Didn’t realize this place existed, it was warded so tight. Eventually, my Grace dimmed down, and I only found this place once I was relatively human again.

“I’m actually surprised that you all didn’t just shiv me as soon as I walked in here,” Gabriel finished, half-joking as he glanced over at Dean. “Though I do seem to vaguely remember you aiming to shoot at me. Really did just have a gun in your pants, huh? Weren’t too happy to see me?”

Dean scoffed, shaking his head. “I knew I should have shot you.”

“Them’s fighting words,” Gabriel threw back.

“I’m pretty confident that Dean wouldn’t have shot you,” Sam cut in, grinning even as he tossed a firm look toward Dean. “I wouldn’t have either. We just… we can’t be too careful, y’know? Especially considering our past experiences with archangels… well—“

“Yeah, I gotcha,” Gabriel said, waving Sam’s comment away. “No worries.”

“Speaking of the archangels,” Castiel said, his somber tone abruptly changing the mood of the conversation. “Seeing as how your omniscience has more or less returned, Gabriel… You are aware of what has become of Raphael, Michael, and Lucifer?”

It was small, but no one missed the flinch of shock that stiffened Gabriel’s form, or the ice that hardened the amber waves of his eyes. The lighthearted atmosphere was instantly sucked dry, replaced with a cold, numb, and breathless atmosphere. Gabriel just gaped at Castiel, expressive eyes blank and void of emotion.

It was terrifying.

Sam was the one to break from his silence first, swallowing hard. “Gabriel?”

“Yeah. I heard.”

This time, it was Sam, Dean, and Castiel’s turn to flinch; Gabriel’s voice, usually packed with life and wit, was frozen. Raw, cold, dead, and even that one phrase was enough for it to sound so, so _wrong_.

Gabriel blinked, escaping his statuesque posture, and he tightened his jaw. He pushed his chair back from the table and slowly stood up, his legs quivering underneath him. Castiel made to walk forward, but a sharp wave from Gabriel’s hand halted him in his place, leaving Castiel with his hands outstretched helplessly toward a brother that was refusing his help.

Dean just watched Gabriel stand, unsure and lost as to what to do, but Sam stood along with Gabriel, ignoring Gabriel’s first reaction as he reached a hand out to cup around Gabriel’s bicep.

With a snarl, Gabriel tried to wrench his arm out of Sam’s grip but the abrupt action caused him to stumble, a palm slapping onto the table surface in an effort to steady himself. This time when Sam reached out to grab Gabriel’s elbow, his other hand wrapped around Gabriel’s shoulders, the archangel gave an irritated breath but grudgingly accepted the assistance.

“I heard,” he murmured and, with Sam carefully guiding him, left the room.

Castiel heaved a deep and quivering sigh, running a hand firmly over his jaw to keep it from wavering. Catching sight of this, Dean immediately stood from his chair and walked over to Castiel.

“Hey,” Dean murmured, arm outstretched to wrap around Castiel’s shoulders when he reached him, tugging the angel into a close hug. Castiel sighed sharply and palmed at Dean’s shoulder, relishing in the close contact.

“He’s so upset with me,” Castiel whispered, shivering out a breath and burying his face into Dean’s neck. “He should be.”

“Cas,” Dean said weakly, at a complete loss for words.

He couldn’t say that Gabriel wasn’t upset with him; that’d just be a laughable and outright lie. He couldn’t say that Gabriel’s _being_ upset wasn’t warranted, or that he’ll be okay; they all played a part in the entrapment of both Michael and Lucifer, which was already one more brother than Gabriel was expecting, and then Castiel had killed Raphael. He may have been under the influence of the souls and the Leviathan, but killed Raphael he did.

It was a nightmare situation for anyone to come back to.

Gabriel was all alone, the last of the First, and Dean knew from experience that there was no truly getting over the moment you realize your family is gone.

So he just tightened his arms around Castiel, turning and brushing his lips soothingly over Castiel’s temple, and he allowed Castiel to silently and tearlessly grieve in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk back to the room where Gabriel woke up was silent, save for the gentle shuffle of their feet padding down the hallway. Gabriel had since stopped resisting Sam’s help, sinking into Sam’s arm wrapped around his shoulders whenever he felt his knees grow weak.

Sam didn’t say a word, bearing Gabriel’s weight easily when needed and guiding Gabriel into an independent position whenever possible. He allowed the archangel to have some control over his situation, but he was there if he was needed. Gabriel felt gratitude well up and radiate inside of him for Sam Winchester in that moment.

The doorway to the room just came into view when Sam finally spoke up.

“Gabriel, I just, uh,” Sam started, not faltering in his steps as he led Gabriel down the hallway. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but… I _am_ sorry, y’know, about what happened to your brothers.”

Rather than go back into the stupor he had gone into back in the library, Gabriel just braced his shoulders and heaved a long and heavy sigh, his head dropping into a nod.

“Yeah, well,” Gabriel murmured with a small shrug, the corner of his mouth tipping up into a half-smirk. “They were dicks anyway.”

“But they were family,” Sam reminded him gently, glancing down at Gabriel. “They were your family. They were your brothers, and you loved them, and… I’m sorry.”

“… Yeah,” Gabriel nodded stiffly. “I know.”

Sam felt a dull throb of sorrow for the pain the archangel was trying to keep under wraps, but made no further attempt to try and get Gabriel to talk about it; there was nothing more to say about it, at least for tonight. Sam and Gabriel were quiet as they headed inside the room, Sam’s arm secure around Gabriel as he brought him over to the vacant bed. It was only once they were within a few steps of the bed that Sam let Gabriel go, the archangel quivering a little without his support but able to walk and climb onto the mattress without much trouble.

As Gabriel was getting himself situated, Sam lingered uncertainly in the middle of the room, hand rubbing at the nape of his neck. Gabriel huffed, sliding underneath the blankets.

“I appreciate you wanting to tuck me in and all, but I think I can manage just fine,” Gabriel joked, his voice a little thick as he stifled a yawn. Okay, so he probably wasn’t going to fight the fact that he needed sleep and rest so hard now; he could practically feel every living atom within his body fighting to sink into the mattress beneath him, weighing him down.

Sam jolted as if shocked before relaxing at the tired grin on Gabriel’s face, chuckling softly. “No, it’s just… I’m thinking you’re gonna be here a while, resting up and rebuilding your Grace and all. So maybe this can be your room from now on. We have way too many spares, so you can choose whichever one you want. But the point is, you _can_ choose one. If, uh, if you want.”

Gabriel paused, raising a brow at Sam. “Really? Huh. I honestly didn’t think you’d let me stay here, considering…”

“Whether you want to admit it or not, Gabriel, you need help and a secure place to hunker down while you heal,” Sam said, warmth and soft compassion glowing in his eyes. “I wanna help you, and so does Cas. Dean may take a while to warm up to you, but he wouldn’t turn you away. Just thought I’d make the offer.”

Gabriel bit down on his bottom lip, glancing down at where he was fiddling with the edge of his blanket. “Well. Um. Alright, I guess. Don’t really feel up to exploring, so, um… I’ll just take this room.”

“Alright. Sounds good,” Sam nodded with a relieved smile, and he turned to walk out of the room.

“Hey, Sam?” Gabriel said suddenly.

Sam had just reached the doorway but turned around at Gabriel’s call. “Yeah, Gabriel?”

“Seriously, uh… Thanks. For everything,” Gabriel said awkwardly, his gaze still averted from Sam’s as he continued to stare down at the blanket, but there was a thinly veiled layer of sincerity in Gabriel’s voice regardless, and a thin smile pulled at Gabriel’s mouth as he slid into the covers. He could feel the warmth of sleep beginning to cloud his mind as he rested his head on the pillow, darkness tinting the edge of his vision.

The last thing he remembered with true clearness before he drifted off was the blinding smile on Sam’s face, and the whispered, “Anytime, Gabriel.”

::

The rest of the week passed by in a haze. Gabriel spent most of his time sleeping in order to regenerate his energy, only eating in the brief moments that he was awake. For the most part, Dean, Castiel, and Sam did their best to help him while simultaneously staying out of his way. Sam hovered the most out of all of them, always making sure that Gabriel had what he needed before departing. Even Dean ensured, in his own silent way, that Gabriel was doing alright.

Surprisingly, though at the same time not, it was Castiel kept his distance the most, opting to watch Gabriel closely from afar. Gabriel knew, in the deepest recesses of his tired mind, the reasoning behind it; Castiel was worried and scared about further upsetting his older brother, given the topic they breached the first day Gabriel was awake. Gabriel was exhausted, but he still felt the conflict as to how to approach his brother. As his strength grew so did his abilities; little by little, he saw snippets of what led to the events of Castiel killing Raphael and so many of their siblings racing through the seraph’s mind.

He saw Raphael planning on unlocking the cage and releasing Lucifer and Michael once more; he saw Castiel’s desperation in finding a way to fight against the strength of the furious archangel, beaten bloody every time he tried; he saw Castiel latching onto the plan the demon Crowley presented, opening up Purgatory to obtain the souls within and give himself the chance to fight Raphael fairly; he saw Castiel metaphorically being torn in two, hiding what he was doing from the Winchesters and protecting them from Crowley all at once; he saw Crowley betray Castiel and run to Raphael, in a new vessel this time; he saw Castiel trick Crowley and Raphael, cleverly switching out the blood they needed for the ritual with dog’s blood; he saw Castiel’s true form increase in size, massive and vengeful and twisting, corrupting his little brother with the sheer force of power inside of him, shadowing the purity of his Grace…

Gabriel saw Castiel lift his fingers and snap, Gabriel’s trademark move, the sharp sound brief in the concrete room before there was a tearing of flesh and Raphael was staining the walls, his Grace shredded, his essence destroyed.

Gabriel saw the power that Castiel consumed turn around and consume _Castiel_ , causing him to annihilate his brothers and sisters and walk amongst the charred wings. Heaven used to be light and warmth, but all Gabriel saw was darkness and cold.

It was a bloodbath. A literal bloodbath. Gabriel knew and understood that Castiel had fought and fought _hard_ against the forces within him, struggling to be the primary driver in his own body, and that he wasn’t himself. Gabriel felt the radiating distress and self-loathing and disdain Castiel held toward himself for what he had done whenever Castiel laid eyes on Gabriel. _Castiel_ wouldn’t have done this. _Castiel_ wouldn’t have willingly killed so many of his family.

But he had, and that was too much for Gabriel to handle at the moment because the last thing he wanted to do was gaze into the eyes of his baby brother and feel like his whole world was falling apart.

So Gabriel slept and ate and tried to make sense out of everything.

Little more than a week later, Gabriel slowly peeled his eyes open as he woke up. He took in a deep, slow inhale through his nostrils, his eyelids fluttering, and he stretched out the weariness inside his muscles. He was getting better, he could feel it. His mind was completely clear for the first time since he first woke up at the Bunker.

Gabriel carefully sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, grabbing his robe from the foot of his mattress. Once he had it on, he stood up from bed, walked out of his room, and headed toward the kitchen. He was just rubbing out the last of the sleep coating his eyes when he stopped cold in the entrance of the kitchen.

Castiel glanced up from the bagel he was eating. Gabriel saw how Castiel stiffened at the sight of him, a flare of fear flashing across Castiel’s face before he settled it into an impassive expression. It felt like a dull blow to his still-healing Grace, and Gabriel couldn’t even force a fake smile as he walked inside. Castiel seemed to gather himself at this point and he dipped his head toward his brother.

“Good morning, Gabriel,” Castiel greeted, placing the bagel down on his plate.

Gabriel nodded, stepping further into the kitchen. “I actually woke up in the morning this time?”

“Only just,” Castiel clarified, shifting in his seat. “It’s 11:24 AM at the moment.”

“Ah well,” Gabriel shrugged. “Better late than skipping lunch altogether, right?”

That sprung Castiel into action; the seraph’s eyes widened briefly and he stood up, gesturing towards the stove. “I, um, if you’d like I can – would you like something to eat?”

“Sit down, Castiel,” Gabriel whispered. “Please. I’d like to talk to you.”

Castiel paused, and then he licked his lips and ducked his head, nodding in resignation. Gabriel waited until Castiel was sitting back down before taking the seat next to him, folding his arms on the table. Castiel was slightly slouched with his head bowed, as if he were once again a fledgling waiting to be chastised. Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek and slowly reached forward, caressing his fingers through the unruly locks of Castiel’s hair.

“You’ve changed, Cassie,” Gabriel murmured with a sad smile, “and you’ve been through so much. But at the same time… you’re are the same exact fledgling with insatiable curiosity that I left behind.”

Castiel didn’t respond out of respect, but he closed his eyes under his brother’s soft fingers. Gabriel blinked and sighed.

“I never told you how sorry I was for that, did I?”

Castiel’s eyes snapped open. “Gabriel, you don’t need to apologize. I understand why you left.”

“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t say that I’m sorry,” Gabriel said, dropping his hand from Castiel’s hair. “I am. I’m… I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that, Castiel.”

A whisper of a smile pulled at Castiel’s mouth. “While your alleged passing did not make it easy, Gabriel, I do understand. If I had even half your courage and bravery, I probably would have done the same. You’re alive and you’re here now.”

Gabriel dipped his head in acknowledgement, feeling a swell of tearful emotion crash through him in response to Castiel’s words. He knew that Castiel’s didn’t completely forgive him, and probably never would; a couple of millennia was too long of a time to think that your brother was dead, especially once it was realized that said brother had actually run away. But this was a step in a hopeful direction.

“Gabriel…”

Gabriel looked up at the light crack in Castiel’s voice. Castiel shook minutely as he met Gabriel’s eyes, his cerulean eyes glistening with a fine layer of tears.

“I’m sorry too,” Castiel whispered almost inaudibly.

Gabriel paused for a moment, taking in the raw despair and remorse trembling through Castiel’s core, and he stood up. Castiel winced, more for a verbal rejection than a physical strike, but he remained still in his seat and watched as Gabriel stepped right up to him. Gabriel slowly reached out a hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, Castiel took it.

Suddenly, Castiel was on his feet as Gabriel yanked him upright, a huff of surprise leaving his lungs when his chest collided with Gabriel’s. His brother’s arms wrapped tightly around him, a palm cupped around the back of Castiel’s skull as Gabriel hugged him. Castiel could only hug him back in bewilderment, his eyes wide. “Gabriel—“

“The only thing holding me together right now is that I believe _you_ wouldn’t have done this,” Gabriel cut in, nudging his nose into Castiel’s hair. “You wouldn’t have done this if you were in your right mind, if you weren’t desperate. You wouldn’t have willfully killed our family.”

A choking sound caught in Castiel’s throat and he tried to pull away, but Gabriel only strengthened his grip, holding him close, wishing he could be less horridly blunt.

“Castiel, you wouldn’t have done this,” Gabriel whispered.

Castiel trembled and shook his head against Gabriel’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have. I swear to you, I wouldn’t have. I-I can’t bring them back, but I will spend the rest of my existence trying to fix even a fraction of what I have broken.”

“I know that,” Gabriel nodded, swallowing hard. He sighed, turning his face into the crook of Castiel’s neck. “You’ve done what you’ve done, Castiel, and while I won’t ever forget that our brothers and sisters are gone… I forgive you. I forgive you, Cas.”

A shuddering sob wracked through Castiel’s body and his hands curled into Gabriel’s robe, bunching the fabric into tight fists. “I don’t, I don’t deserve—“

“You do.” Gabriel stroked through Castiel’s already tousled hair and closed his eyes. “I forgive you.”

As Gabriel held his weeping brother, he opened his eyes and caught the blurred outline of Dean standing in the doorway. He didn’t stop the comfort he was giving Castiel, meeting Dean’s gaze head-on over Castiel’s shoulder. Dean silently observed the moment between the two brothers before nodding approvingly at Gabriel, smiling at the archangel genuinely for the first time since his arrival. Gabriel smiled weakly in return before turning back to Castiel, vaguely noticing Dean leaving the doorway as he continued to murmur comforting words to the angel in his arms.

::

Following the reconciliation between Gabriel and Castiel, Dean’s full acceptance of the Gabriel’s presence, and the progression of Gabriel’s healing, life in the Bunker went by much more smoothly. There was significantly much less tip-toeing around each other and more interaction among the four members living in the Bunker.

Castiel and Gabriel’s relationship was well on the mend, but there was still an underlying layer of tension beneath each snarky comment and sarcastic quip that Gabriel traded with both Sam and Dean. Dean was still slightly guarded, and Sam fidgeted awkwardly whenever he and Gabriel found themselves alone. Gabriel didn’t hold it against them, even privately, considering their history together. But it still heated up a void inside of Gabriel whenever he saw it happen.

The void got progressively worse as days went by and Gabriel began to _notice_. It was nothing incredibly pronounced, but Gabriel knew the indications of a relationship when he saw one.

Maybe it was because he was predisposed to seeing these three together prior to the failed apocalypse, but it was easier seeing it between Dean and Castiel at first, seeing as how Gabriel had formerly assumed they were close to getting into a relationship when he first saw them together anyway. Gabriel saw the hint of a deeper meaning behind Dean’s trailing fingers sliding down Castiel’s bicep, the sparkle in Castiel’s eyes as he faintly smiled at something Dean was saying, the tender flare of Dean’s soul as he laid a blanket on top of Castiel when the angel fell asleep watching TV, Gabriel saw it all. He knew that Dean and Castiel were together, now more than ever.

So Gabriel was a little shocked, though not at all surprised, when he realized that Sam was on the giving and receiving end of these affections as well, both by Castiel and Dean.

It was in the way his hand lingered on the back of Castiel’s neck when he passed him by in lieu of a greeting; the way his blinding smile highlighted how overwhelmed his soul was with happiness when he was teasing Dean about something; the way Dean wouldn’t wake him up if he fell asleep at the table next to his laptop but instead adjusted Sam’s head into a more comfortable position, and how he silently gave Sam a fresh mug of his favorite coffee when he woke up; the way Castiel caressed Sam’s cheek with his thumb when examining the evidence of a sleepless night, and the worry expressed by both Dean and Castiel about Sam’s wellbeing.

These were only a few instances, but Gabriel observed and saw all of it, though silently and from a distance. It was just so glaringly obvious: Sam, Dean, and Castiel were _all_ together.

Again, Gabriel was not surprised about this new development in the slightest; Sam and Dean’s fierce codependency on one another made this transition foreseeable, and Castiel’s strong tie with both the Winchester brothers was bound to get him romantically bonded to at least one of them.

Gabriel just wished they would be comfortable around him enough to tell him, especially considering that he had been living in their quarters for a few weeks now.

He took matters into his own hands one morning when they were all gathered in the kitchen one morning. It was breakfast time, and the smell of the pancakes and eggs and bacon that Gabriel was making quickly wafted through the Bunker and roused the other three from their sleep. Gabriel shifted his focus away from the stove and smiled wryly to himself as he noticed them all walk in simultaneously, bleary-eyed and still half-asleep.

“Did you put on some coffee?” Dean asked, his voice still coarse with lingering exhaustion.

Gabriel gestured over to the materials in front of the pot. “Make it yourself if you want any, I haven’t finished breakfast yet.”

Dean grumbled but did as he was told, trudging over to the empty coffee pot, his slippers sliding lazily across the floor underneath his feet. Sam collapsed into the first empty chair he saw at the kitchen table, rubbing his eyes slowly. Castiel looked considerably more refreshed than his hunter counterparts, but the worn lines in his face were a little prominent this morning as he sat down in front of Sam.

Gabriel turned back to the pan of bacon, prodding at a few strips and turning a few over. Keeping his voice as neutral as he could, he asked, “You guys have filled me in on everything else that happened ever since I went lights out, right?”

There was a beat of silence before Sam responded with a weary, “Uh, yeah. As far as I can tell, at least.”

“Didn’t leave anything out?” Gabriel questioned, looking back up at them.

Dean, in the process of pouring a few scoops of coffee grains into the filter, turned around and shrugged. “Don’t think so.”

“Really? Nothing left out? You made sure to include the fact that you’re all banging each other, right?”

The only noise that broke the stiff silence that followed Gabriel’s words was the popping sizzle of bacon cooking on the stove. Three pairs of equally horrified, wide eyes snapped over to Gabriel, and whatever trace of sleepiness that may have slumped their shoulders was gone in an instant. Terrified, on alert, caught, Sam and Dean and Castiel gaped at Gabriel with bated breath.

Gabriel, for all the amusement he was feeling over their drama, just rolled his eyes.

“What, you thought that I’d care?” he asked, his smirk widening. “Hello? Pagan god, trickster, Loki, literally gave birth to a horse?”

Sam was wrenched out of his stupor at that. “Wait, you _actually_ —“

“Not the subject at hand right now,” Gabriel dismissed with a wave of his hand. “We’re talking about you three and the crazy-monkey sex you’re all having.”

“Oh jeez,” Dean huffed, slowly lowering his face into his palms, fingers digging into his close eyes.

“Are you afraid I’ll ask for details?”

“Fucking hell, _stop_ ,” Dean growled, his face turning maroon beneath his hands. Castiel and Sam said nothing, but their cheeks and necks were also flushed with warm embarrassment.

Gabriel chuckled, turning over a few bacon strips. “Okay, okay. Point is, now I know, and now you know I know, and it’s okay. Seriously, if you thought I was going to mind or something…”

“It wasn’t that we didn’t trust you, Gabriel,” Castiel said, his tense posture relaxing once more, even as Sam and Dean remained a little stiff. “We just…”

“We weren’t actually sure how to tell you?” Sam finished, his voice raising as a question at the end of his statement.

Gabriel raised a brow. “Try a sock on the door. Or three, if you’d like. I would have gotten the message loud and clear.”

“Yeah. Right,” Sam whispered, rubbing the nape of his neck.

Gabriel lifted his shoulder in a small shrug and returned back to the bacon strips.

“So…” Dean quietly began in the following quiet. “You’re really… you’re really _okay_ with this?”

Gabriel glanced back up, catching the dissipating but still present worry that gleamed fresh in Dean’s eyes, even as the hunter firmly set his jaw. A quick look over to Sam revealed the same. A surge of sadness burst up inside of Gabriel at the sight; it seemed as though for all the progress he hoped he’d made with the Winchesters, they were still cautious around him.

Gabriel just as quickly shoved down the emotion and buried it. He _had_ made some progress, and the progress was leaps and bounds more than he had originally expected anyway, which was all he could hope for at the moment. Gabriel couldn’t fault them for not completely trusting him just yet, despite their words.

So Gabriel just nodded thoughtfully, lowering the flame intensity on the stove now that the bacon was crispy. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah. You do you. And him and him, apparently.”

Dean paused, and then he dipped his head with a sigh. Sam huffed out an awkward though amused laugh, and Castiel smiled thinly.

Gabriel considered the entire thing a success, truthfully.

But his secret feelings of triumph quickly died down after a while. Now that all parties living within the Bunker were aware of the relationship between Sam, Dean, and Castiel, the three were slowly becoming less shy about displaying their affections in plain view of Gabriel.

Castiel’s small strokes down Dean’s arm became a tender thumb caressing his lip, or a gentle graze of his knuckles down Dean’s cheek. Castiel had also taken to cradling a slumbering Sam in his arms when he fell asleep at the computer, clearly not content with the way Dean mostly opted to leave Sam in his chair, and carrying him to what was now openly known as Sam, Dean, and Castiel’s shared room.

The internal flare of happiness and love within Sam’s soul now appeared externally, his sparkling eyes no longer concealing the raw emotion he felt within as he smiled at Dean and Castiel. Sam would gently rest his hand on top of Castiel’s during quiet moments between them, or close his eyes with a sigh and press his nose into Castiel’s temple. Sam would press his forehead softly into the crook of Dean’s neck, hands lax around Dean’s hips.

Dean’s behavior around the other two was by far the most reserved, especially in view of Gabriel, but it was no less intimate. It took him a little longer for him to transition, but eventually Gabriel watched as Dean comfortably nestled Sam into his arms while they were lying on the couch watching TV, the pair of them much too big to fit on the seat but somehow making it work as Sam wrapped his arm around Dean’s torso and sighed happily at Dean’s soothing fingers stroking through his hair. Likewise, Dean would lean into Castiel’s palm and trail his fingers reverently down Castiel’s side, his righteous soul practically the shine radiating the love in his eyes.

There were a lot of times that Gabriel had to leave the room when they were like this, always tossing a light-hearted excuse over his shoulder to unconsciously soothe the others’ unspoken questions.

It was just too intimate, too stifling for Gabriel to stand. Too much heart-eyes floating around, and too many soft kisses and touches, and so much love and adoration and there was no way that Gabriel was _jealous_.

No fucking way.

What did he have to be jealous of anyway? Sam, Dean, and Castiel having sex? Gabriel could have sex if he wanted. He _has_ had sex when he wanted in the Bunker, within the confines of his room and with whatever conjuration he snapped up.

But even that lost its spark after a while. Gabriel couldn’t help but imagine the heat of Sam’s mouth as he kissed him and his arms around him, and Dean’s calloused hands grabbing his thighs and gripping his hips, and Castiel’s eyes burning into his own and how he’d move inside of him.

Physical things. That’s all Gabriel admitted to himself to wanting from them.

Just physical.


	4. Chapter 4

“Well! I’m gonna hit the hay.”

Sam lifted his head from where it lay against Castiel’s chest, shifting a little to watch Gabriel stand from his armchair and begin his departure from the living area.

“It’s barely 9,” Sam mumbled, frowning. Above him, Castiel’s fingers stilled in his hair.

Gabriel shrugged, his lips quirked in a small smirk. “Yeah, weirdly enough, my Grace doesn’t really care what time it is. Love to play on my phone a little longer, but the screen is flashing one-percent.” Gabriel turned around and tossed a wave over his shoulder. “See you all in the morning! And Dean’s making breakfast this time!”

“Don’t count on it being on time then!” Dean shot back with a grin.

A soft chuckle echoed in the hallway, and then Gabriel was gone. Sam felt Castiel’s chest lift up and deflate in a sigh, and he stroked his palm along Castiel’s side in lieu of spoken comfort.

“Is it just me, or was that total bullshit?” Dean suddenly asked.

Sam snapped his head up from Castiel’s chest, narrowly missing clipping Castiel’s chin, and glanced over at Dean. Dean was frowning at the hallway leading to the bedrooms, his brows furrowed thoughtfully as he stared after where Gabriel disappeared.

In response to Dean’s question, Sam shook his head. “No. Not just you.”

“Cas?” Dean asked gently, removing his eyes from the hallway and looking over toward the seraph.

“I too noticed Gabriel’s aversion as of late,” Castiel nodded. “I would go so far as to say that it began around the time he brought his knowledge of our relationship forward.”

“So, what? You think he’s starting to regret giving us his blessing or whatever?” Dean asked, twisting around in his seat to face the other two better.

Sam’s heart dropped with that suggestion. For the most part, he thought that Gabriel had handled the transition of Sam and Dean and Castiel’s relationship fairly well, and with minimal change. There was a definite increase in teasing jabs and obscene gestures, but overall Gabriel handled it much better than they could have hoped.

Or at least, that’s what Sam had thought. Breaking off his relationship with Dean and Castiel wasn’t something he was about to do ever, regardless of whether it made Gabriel uncomfortable or not, but Gabriel’s acceptance of them all… Why was that so important to him?

Sam’s concerns were soon soothed over by Castiel’s next words.

“I don’t believe that’s the case,” Castiel said, his fingers resuming their movement in Sam’s hair, as if catching on to the turmoil going on within Sam’s mind. “Something _is_ bothering him, and it does appear to be linked with our relationship, but… it’s something else.”

“Maybe he’s lonely?” Dean said, giving a little shrug.

“Perhaps,” Castiel said slowly.

“The guy has the power to snap up company at will and has been in hiding for who knows how many millennia,” Sam mused, closing his eyes underneath Castiel’s tender ministrations. “It’s gotta be more than just loneliness. Besides, he has us here. Hard to be lonely living in a Bunker of four.”

“Well then, what? What’s his problem?” Dean asked, and Sam could hear the underlying frustration coating his words. Sam pressed his lips tight together, understanding the feeling completely.

“It might be that…” Castiel began, but trailed off into a low, inaudible murmur before he finished his statement.

It was enough to grab the attention of both Winchester brothers, however, and they both faced Castiel in unison. “What?”

Castiel blinked, his cerulean eyes contemplative and he lightly nibbled on his bottom lip. With a prepared breath, he said, “Maybe… Maybe Gabriel has seen what we have and he desires it for himself.”

“… He wants to join in, is that what you’re saying?” Dean questioned bluntly. “Like _sex_?”

Sam sat up a little, ducking his head down to conceal the warm flush his brother’s words brought.

Castiel frowned a little. “I think that’s a part of it, but there’s a deeper reason. I think that Gabriel truly desires more the closeness and intimacy that we express with one another around him. In Heaven, it was extremely common for angels to bond with one another and to do so in flocks. Since he has been here, I would consider it safe to say that on an unconscious level, Gabriel considers us as his flock. And as an archangel, that desire is infinitely that much more prominent.”

Sam blinked, thinking back to the last few weeks. “That might actually make sense. If it was just sex he wanted – well, he could just mojo someone up for that, right? But he’s always leaving the room when at least two of us are with him, and usually after we kind of…”

“More or less rub _us_ in his face?” Dean put in.

“Yeah.”

Dean sighed, running a palm over his face. “Okay, but what does it mean that we’re talking about this? I mean, are we considering—“

“Embracing Gabriel as a part of our flock?” Castiel finished.

Dean quirked a brow. “Well, are we? ‘Cause I don’t know about you guys, but if this is as serious as it seems to be with Gabriel, we’d need to be just as serious if we’re actually considering this.”

Sam blew out a breath, watching his fringe flap forward with the force of his exhale, and he lifted his gaze up from the couch. “Yeah. You’re right. Clearly, we all care about him—“ Sam was met with a firm nod from Castiel and a tightening of Dean’s jaw at this “—so maybe… maybe we should take a couple of days or even a week or two to figure out if this is what we really want.”

“And if it isn’t?” Dean asked quietly.

Sam moistened his lips and dropped his gaze, unable and unwilling to find an answer for that.

::

A couple of weeks went by, and all the while Sam, Dean, and Castiel did their best to maintain the same air of easygoing composure that they’d adopted when Gabriel was around. The only thing that changed was their observation of Gabriel’s behavior.

Now that it was brought out in the open, they could all see it. Whenever Dean would sling an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, Gabriel would lightly duck his head and smile wryly, but there was a flatness to his expression that wasn’t there before. Whenever Sam would reach out and gently intertwine his fingers with Dean’s, Gabriel’s own fingers would jolt before he resolved to tighten them into a fist. Whenever Castiel would graze his lips upon Sam’s brow, Gabriel would furrow his with a smirk, and there was no denying the fierce echo of longing in his eyes.

Gabriel wanted them. Whether he was willing to admit it to them or even to himself, that much was absolutely true. Now the question remained as to whether they include Gabriel in their flock.

Castiel bit back a sigh and leaned his weight further onto his palms resting on the second-floor railing. He narrowed his eyes, watching silently as Gabriel began to once again nod off in the armchair at the center of the library, a thick book of runes and a bag of gummy worms settled comfortably in his lap. Gabriel wasn’t sleeping as much as before now that his Grace was beginning to restore a bit more steadily, but he was still susceptible to fatigue at any given time.

A soft breath escaped Gabriel’s lips as he finally sunk into his slumber, and Castiel smiled tenderly at the sight.

Ever since Gabriel reappeared in his life, back when he was attempting to get Sam and Dean to ‘play their roles’ prior to the aborted Apocalypse, Castiel was overwhelmed with forceful waves of despairing love and sentimentality. Gabriel had always been a figure of pure adoration and veneration to him, and to lose Gabriel the first time had nearly destroyed Castiel.

But then Gabriel revealed himself to be alive, hidden in the guise of a Pagan trickster, and Castiel _rejoiced_. He may have been slightly miffed at the time, having been duct-taped and transported to an alternate reality by his lost older brother as a measure of keeping silent to the Winchesters, but Gabriel was alive. He was _here_ and _alive_ and Castiel felt as though his vessel’s heart would positively burst with the force of his happiness.

But then Elysian Fields happened, and Gabriel was gone. And this time, Castiel felt the obliteration of Grace explode through his omniscience, heard his own shriek accompany Gabriel’s, clutched his own chest as if he’d been the one that had been impaled, and could do nothing more but _feel_ as Gabriel died…

Castiel blinked back the heat of tears stinging his eyes, sniffing and curling his bottom lip inward. It was nothing short of a miracle that Gabriel was with them once more. Recovering, but alive. It was nothing short of a miracle that Castiel was granted this second chance with him.

He had always imagined that Gabriel would have been a part of his flock when the time came. Castiel loved Sam and Dean so much, and he would (and has) tear down Heaven and Hell for them, but merely the idea of having Gabriel be a part of what he shared with Sam and Dean brought Castiel a shivering sense of completion and love. Watching Gabriel sleep now, Castiel ached with the fierce want to reach out with his Grace to and encased Gabriel with it, to feel the embodiment of familiar and warm golden Grace mingle with his own.

Castiel barely restrained himself from jumping in shock at the sudden weight of arms sliding around his waist and hugging him close to a warm chest, but he quickly relaxed and closed his eyes with a deep breath as a chin rested down on his shoulder.

“Your stealth is increasing,” Castiel observed.

Dean’s quiet laugh rumbled against his shoulder. Castiel smiled and linked his hands with Dean’s over his stomach. Dean tightened his arms around Castiel and gently nodded over to where Gabriel sat slumbering.

“He been there long?”

Castiel hummed. “For as long as I’ve been here, which was almost immediately after my show finished.”

“Hm.” Dean stepped forward so that he was completely flush against Castiel’s back. “Maybe we should move him, y’know? I can speak from personal experience that those chairs aren’t as comfortable as the beds.”

“I’ll get Sam to do it,” Castiel said. He felt Dean’s answering smirk press into his neck, and Castiel chuckled as Dean kissed the warm skin under his jawline.

It was silent between the two of them for a moment longer, the pair watching Gabriel sleep. A moment later, Dean said, “Have you… have you thought about… y’know.”

“Dean, if we are to do this, if we are to truly consider it, you must feel comfortable saying it,” Castiel murmured in fond exasperation; Dean had expressed the same type of reluctance when it came to addressing his relationship with him and Sam as well. It gave Castiel a small hope for Gabriel.

Dean huffed. “Okay, okay, have you thought about what we talked about? Including Gabriel in our flock?”

“I have to a great extent,” Castiel admitted. He folded his arms tighter on top of Dean’s and swallowed. “Dean, I… I love Gabriel. Very much. I can picture us all, with perfect clarity, having a fulfilled and wonderful life. All of us. Together.”

He felt Dean’s chest inflate against his back before he sighed, the air blowing past his ear and ruffling through his hair soothingly. Dean lifted one of his hands to stroke up and down Castiel’s stomach.

“You know, call me crazy. Call me absolutely insane and commit me, but…” Dean muttered. “I can picture it too.”

Castiel turned his head as quickly as he could without accidentally hitting Dean, his eyes wide and his heart stuttering wildly in his chest. “Really?”

Dean huffed out an amused breath, his nod rubbing along Castiel’s shoulder. “Yeah, Cas. Really.”

“I would have – I would have thought that—“

“Mm, what can I say? Guy grows on you,” Dean shrugged minutely and sighed again. “Look, he’s done some shit to us in the past. He’s made some bad choices but he’s not a bad guy, and I’ve forgiven him. I may not love him – well, not yet, anyways. But I can see myself loving him, and I want to have him with us.”

Castiel blinked hard against the rush of love he felt swelling within him and he took in a shaky breath, giving Dean a watery smile.

“It seems as though you’ve outgrown your aversion to ‘chick-flick moments,’” Castiel mused thickly.

A rough bark of laughter escaped Dean, jostling the pair of them, and Dean grinned at him. “Guess I have. I blame you and Sam.”

Castiel laughed and then twisted a little in Dean’s arms until he was able to reach up and cup his jaw in his hands, and he surged forward to capture Dean’s lips in a fervent kiss. Dean adjusted his arms around Castiel’s torso accordingly and kissed him back with earnest, pressing Castiel a little closer to the railing, a hand sliding around to curl around Castiel’s hip. Castiel whimpered brokenly and pulled away, firmly pressing another kiss to Dean’s cheek before wrapping Dean in a hug. Dean chuckled and held him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Castiel’s neck.

“We should probably find Sam and talk to him,” Dean murmured, his hand gliding up Castiel’s back to stroke his fingers through the dark hair cascading down the nape of Castiel’s neck.

Castiel nodded frantically.

::

In the end, they decide it would be best to not crowd Gabriel with a proposal like this, so after some deliberation they decided that it would be best to send Sam forward.

Sam approached the still-sleeping Gabriel slowly, a smile forming on his face as he got closer. The bag of gummy worms was dangerously close to toppling off of Gabriel’s thigh, and the book of runes had fallen into the dip between Gabriel’s legs. His face was propped up on his fist, and Sam would see the breathy snores Gabriel was emitting brush against his knuckles.

His smile softening, Sam stepped forward and carefully removed the gummy worms, placing it on the chairside table. Slowly, he made to remove the book in the same manner, gently lifting it from Gabriel’s lap and closing it shut before sliding it on top of the pile of texts by the table. Gabriel did not move or awaken. Sam considered Gabriel for a moment longer before he gingerly bent down and slid his arms underneath Gabriel’s knees and around his back.

This movement did disrupt Gabriel, and the archangel blearily woke up with a confused snort, thick eyes staring up at Sam as the hunter lifted him up. “S-Sam? What’re y—“

“That chair can’t be comfortable for you,” Sam whispered, carefully hoisting Gabriel a little higher in his arms before beginning his trek toward his bedroom. “Just gonna take you to your room.”

“No, no, no, put me down,” Gabriel protested around a yawn. “I c’n—I can walk.”

“You’re dead on your feet. I’m carrying you and that’s that,” Sam said with finality, and shot a quick grin down at Gabriel.

Gabriel groaned but waved his hand briefly in a form of grudging acceptance, and Sam’s grin widened as Gabriel tiredly buried his face into the warmth of Sam’s neck. The walk was short and Gabriel was surprisingly not that heavy, so Sam made the trip into the archangel’s bedroom with little difficulty and Gabriel nestled carefully in his arms.

“Gonna tuck me in too?” Gabriel muttered as Sam carefully set him down on his bed mattress. Gabriel slung his feet over the edge of the bed and glanced up at Sam, looking considerably more alert than he was moments before.

Sam quirked a brow up. “Do you want me to?”

Gabriel chuckled roughly and shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it, seeing as how you destroyed whatever dignity I had left by carrying me like some damsel.”

“Right,” Sam scoffed good-naturedly, sitting down next to Gabriel. At the light confusion etched in Gabriel’s face, Sam glanced down at his lap, clasping his hands together on top of his thighs. “Listen, uh… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Damn, I knew the special treatment had a catch,” Gabriel joked, grinning at Sam’s responding smile. “What’s up?”

Sam bit down on his lip, his humor slowly evaporating at the impending seriousness of the topic he was about to broach. “Dean, Cas, and I have been talking a lot… about you.”

Gabriel was still smiling, but Sam could see golden irises freeze over with shock and terror. “Okay? Um, what for and why?”

Sam settled his face down into a warm smile. “We want to ask you if you wanted to be a part of our flock.”

Gabriel was still for a moment longer, the former terror all but fleeing from his expression but leaving behind the open shock, before a startled laugh bubbled past his lips.

“Wait, what?” Gabriel asked, his tone lightly shrilled in his growing hysteria. “You – you want me to be a part of _what_?”

“Our flock,” Sam reiterated, not allowing for Gabriel’s reaction to give him pause; he had seen the flash of hope sweep through Gabriel’s eyes before it was rapidly concealed once more. Gabriel could say whatever he wanted, but there was no denying the emotion welled in his amber eyes.

A hard laugh erupted from Gabriel’s throat, and he shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t even know what you’re saying, Sam-a-lam.”

“But I do,” Sam said. “Cas, Dean, me – we all know what we’re asking of you. We’ve talked about this for a couple of weeks, been thinking about it since you first showed up at the Bunker. We know what we’re asking for.”

“And you really think that I’m that desperate for a lay that I’d shack up with the three guys that are already taken?” Gabriel snorted. “No, thanks. Pass.”

“This isn’t just about the sex, Gabe,” Sam murmured, scooting a little closer to Gabriel. He felt a surge of warm triumph flood his chest at the fierce sparks of desire that reformed in Gabriel’s eyes, even as the archangel slowly backed away from his advances. “It’s not. This is a serious offer. If you don’t want to accept it, we’ll respect your decision. But _this is real_. We want you to be a part of us.”

Gabriel, backed up against the pillows pressed to the headboard, swallowed shakily and struggled to maintain his façade; he aimed a quivering grin at Sam, who was keeping as much distance as he could while at the same time seeing how much closer he could get to Gabriel.

“Why don’t I see Cassie or Dean-o vouching for this?” Gabriel asked, internally wincing at how coarse with want his voice sounded.

“We didn’t want you to feel cornered by this,” Sam answered honestly. “Better to have one of us introduce it to you first.”

Gabriel nodded at the rationality behind that thought, though something was still bothering him. “Alright, but I still don’t understand as to why _you’re_ here. I thought, I thought you hated me. Especially after…”

Sam smiled thinly at the implied reminder of Broward County, and he slowly placed his hand over Gabriel’s knee, squeezing gently when Gabriel flinched in surprise but made no move to pull away.

“I was angry at you,” Sam admitted softly. “For the longest time, I was so pissed at you. But after TV Land, and after what happened at Elysian Fields… I get it. It took me a long time, and you definitely went about it in a shitty way, but I understood what you were trying to do. I forgave you for that a long time ago, Gabriel. I forgive you.”

Gabriel clenched his jaw, closing his eyes briefly against the tight elation in his chest from Sam’s declaration. He shoved it down as much as he possibly could, because he couldn’t and wouldn’t let this affect him, and he ignored how much lighter his Grace felt in the face of Sam’s forgiveness.

“Well, you know, for what it’s worth,” Gabriel said, opening his eyes. “I really am sorry that I put you through that.”

Sam’s thin smile lifted into a genuine one. “I know.”

Gabriel paused as he lost himself in the light of Sam’s iridescent eyes, tracing the illuminating happiness and sincerity that flooded hazel-green orbs, before he snapped himself out of it and cleared his throat.

“If I agree to this – and that’s a big, fat _if_ ” – it really wasn’t – “you and Dean and Cas better not expect more than sex from me. I don’t do rainbows and sunshine and bad rom-com moments. If I’m in this, I’m pretty much a bedwarmer with a food kink. Just sex. Got it?”

Sam, for his part, did not believe Gabriel’s words for one instant; he had seen Gabriel’s defenses fall throughout their talk, and he had noticed the warranted longing present within the archangel. But there was no rush to get Gabriel to admit his true desires at this very moment. Right now, Gabriel had agreed to be a part of what he shared with Dean and Castiel, and that would be enough for now. Time, and Sam and Dean and Castiel, would hopefully convince Gabriel to truly settle down with the group the way they all wanted, and their flock would be complete.

So Sam just grinned with a breath of laughter, and he let go of Gabriel’s knee to cup around Gabriel’s cheek instead.

“Loud and clear,” Sam whispered, and he leaned in.

Gabriel’s lips parted with a surprised gasp as Sam kissed him, and Sam took advantage of Gabriel’s brief break in composure to lick inside Gabriel’s mouth. At the welcome invasion, Gabriel’s eyes fluttered shut with a wavering moan and he wrapped an arm around Sam’s neck, tugging him closer. Sam groaned and then his hand was curled around Gabriel’s thigh and Gabriel’s free arm was around Sam’s torso and they were shifting and moving.

They were loathed to separate their lips as they resituated themselves, ending up with Gabriel lying back on the bed and Sam sliding forward to settle himself between Gabriel’s open thighs. Sam deepened the kiss and pressed even closer to Gabriel’s body, feeling the frantic flutter of Gabriel’s heartbeat pound against his chest, and Sam ran his fingers through strands of golden-brown hair.

At a lustful stroke of Sam’s tongue against the roof of his mouth, Gabriel moaned and dug his fingers tight into the fabric of Sam’s plaid shirt, gripping hard.

Just physical. Right.


	5. Chapter 5

The mattress gave a few protesting whines from the bed springs as Gabriel fell back on it with a panting laugh, his glistening chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath.

“Oh fuck,” Gabriel gasped, closing his heavy eyes. “I knew I should have powered up with that candy bar earlier.”

A thick huff of laughter sounded from his right, and Dean propped himself up onto his elbow, his face flushed and looking every bit as ravished as Gabriel was.

“Don’t tell me that a mere mortal human managed to overwhelm an _archangel_ ,” Dean said, quickly swiping a hand over his brow. “Should notify the tabloids.”

“Psh. Bitch, please,” Gabriel snarked back, keeping his eyes closed. “ _Healing_ archangel. ‘M still in recovery. If I were up to par, you wouldn’t be able to walk straight for _months_.”

A sweaty weight settled warmly on top of Gabriel’s chest and he opened his eyes to Dean’s smirk. Gabriel grinned back and slid his hands down Dean’s back, trailing his fingers suggestively along the dip of Dean’s lower back.

“I’m going to hold you to that claim,” Dean rumbled, leaning down to gently nip at Gabriel’s jawline. “You best follow through with it.”

Gabriel’s chuckle and whatever snappy remark he was going to make in response to that was immediately muffled into silence by the firm press of Dean’s lips against his. A low growl erupted from Gabriel’s throat and he leaned up, impishly biting down on Dean’s bottom lip in retaliation.

“I’m really going to need that candy bar if we’re going to do this again,” Gabriel murmured heavily into Dean’s mouth.

Dean was forced to pull away as he laughed, grazing his teeth along Gabriel’s jawline and swiping his tongue over Gabriel’s racing pulse point. Gabriel snickered and leaned his head back, allowing Dean more access to his neck.

While it had been a mutual consensus between the four of them, there was still an air of tense anticipation when Gabriel joined Sam, Dean, and Castiel as a part of their flock. It wasn’t bad tension, by any means; it was more of that “first-date” tension, where it’s a little awkward and completely new. Gabriel, for all his fantasizing and desire towards them, and despite his knowledge that they all wanted this, felt as though he were barging in on an already completed relationship. He kept himself withdrawn for the most part; he continued his previous observations of the other’s antics with each other but did not join in, and he only indulged in sex with them if they were the ones to initiate it.

Sex was another thing loaded with tension, though not necessarily of the hesitant kind. Sex was something Gabriel was good at. _Amazing_ at, really. He knew exactly how to bring optimal pleasure to his lovers, and Sam, Dean, and Castiel were certainly no exceptions. Over the weeks following his inclusion in the flock, Gabriel came to figure out just what made each of his partners happy in bed.

Sam loved being rough with him. He loved the illusion of being able to overpower the archangel beneath him by pinning Gabriel’s wrists over his head, sinking claiming bites into Gabriel’s flushed skin, and manhandling Gabriel into submission while he fucked him hard and deep into the protesting mattress. At the same time, however, Sam loved being dominated, and there were plenty of nights where Gabriel used his inhuman strength to his advantage for this particular feat. One memorable night involved Gabriel picking Sam up and slamming him into the bedroom wall, forcing Sam’s legs to wrap around Gabriel’s waist as the archangel thrust harshly into him. Sam’s response to that was intense, to say the least.

Castiel was more exploratory. Normally during sex, Gabriel refrained from long touches or slow strokes of the skin or tender kisses. It was too close, too intimate, and too dangerous of a territory to allow himself to fall into. But with Castiel, it was different. Castiel had always been a curious creature, and it definitely showed during sex. He would run his palm down the expanse of Gabriel’s abdomen and back, dig his fingers cautiously into the meat of Gabriel’s thighs and ass, mouth along Gabriel’s neck, brush his lips gently against Gabriel’s, slowly slide his tongue past the tight ring of Gabriel’s entrance, and clench himself carefully around Gabriel’s throbbing heat. It was no less caring and passionate, but it was also learning and examining closely what Gabriel liked happening to him. Gabriel could almost convince himself that it was entirely clinical with Castiel (though he’d be lying).

Surprisingly, it was Dean he had a problem with controlling himself during sex. He certainly never would have guessed from Dean’s gruff demeanor in public, but judging from Dean’s tendency to sacrifice his own happiness for that of Sam and Castiel’s, Gabriel shouldn’t be too surprised. Dean was amazing in bed. That much was already established, and Gabriel had no qualms about Dean’s masterful techniques. But small gestures that Dean made completely took Gabriel off guard.

Gabriel would be riding Dean, frantic and fast, the pair of them moaning and gasping and right on the cusp of white-hot pleasure overwhelming them, and then Dean would reach up for Gabriel’s hands and link their fingers together. Or Dean would wrap his arms around Gabriel’s back and shoulders in a warm embrace rather than furiously claw his nails down Gabriel’s back when Gabriel was fucking him. Or Dean would suddenly kiss him with a foreign tenderness as he ground his hips down, rubbing their slick cocks together feverishly.

It was unnerving. Like now.

Gabriel stifled a whimper as Dean caressed his temple, parting from Gabriel’s neck to kiss him once more. Their mouths melded together with practiced ease, and their tongues circled languidly. A quiet hum vibrated from Dean’s throat and into their kiss. Dean laid down a little more fully on top of Gabriel, their flaccid cocks pressed against one another. Before he had even realized it, Gabriel was sighing and cupping Dean’s skull in his hands, making no move to deepen the soft, intricate dance between their lips or to move his hips up to rub himself against Dean.

Not for the first time, a wave of a long-repressed emotion began to well up inside of Gabriel. It threatened to overtake him, sending tingling sparks through the nerves of his vessels, quivering through his Grace.

But unlike times before, Gabriel found that his defenses were weak. He tried, damnit he tried. But Dean was above him, and his kiss was deep and consuming, and one hand was cupping the side of Gabriel’s face while the other stroked soothingly along Gabriel’s thigh, and Gabriel lost himself in it.

He lost himself in Dean’s embrace, in the memories of Sam’s eyes staring down at him with smoldering heat that had nothing to do with lust, and in the phantom curl of Castiel’s adoring Grace wrapping around his own –

Something snapped inside of him, something warm and permanent, and Gabriel huffed out a gasp into the kiss.

Dean broke away from him, eyes flashing in light concern.

“You okay?” he rasped, his lips red and shining with spit.

Gabriel blinked, struggling to come up with a coherent thought among the mess of emotion and panic that suddenly gripped at his brain. After a moment, he forced a smile on his face and gave a little shrug, hoping against hope that he appeared as indifferent as always. “You’re a really good kisser.”

::

“We need to talk about Gabriel.”

It was hours later. Following their mid-afternoon romp, Dean had retreated into the shower and Gabriel had snapped away any evidence of their escapade. It was a routine that Dean had gotten used to during the course of his relationship with Gabriel: they would have sex, and then Dean would depart Gabriel’s to the Bunker shower room while Gabriel got himself clean, sometimes ending with the archangel going back to bed to recover his strength, and that was that. Gabriel never joined Dean in the shower, despite the hunter’s constant invitations, and they always had sex in Gabriel’s room. A quick check with Sam and Castiel revealed the same thing.

He thought nothing of it really, but after earlier, with Gabriel’s unexpected reaction...

Sam glanced up from the sandwich he was preparing, his forehead creasing with worry at Dean’s statement. Castiel straightened up from where he sat at the kitchen table.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked. “What’s wrong with Gabriel?”

“I don’t think anything’s necessarily _wrong_ ,” Dean rectified, scratching the side of his head. “I just, I think… We were in his room this morning and we just, y’know, had sex. And I think… I dunno, guys, I think something happened. Something changed with him while we were lying there.”

“Changed?” Sam questioned. He placed the slice of bread he was holding back onto the plate, momentarily forgetting about his snack as he turned to face Dean, arms crossing over his chest.

“I think so,” Dean nodded. “I mean, you guys know how he’s like. Gabriel’s not exactly jumping into the touchy-feely part of this, and I don’t think he ever wanted to in the first place. You said so yourself, Sam, that he just wanted to be a part of this for the sex.”

“Yeah, but we all know that that isn’t true,” Sam said, frowning. “He’s in denial about what he feels and really wants out of this, and—“

Sam suddenly stopped talking, the remainder of his words dying in his throat as his eyes went wide. He pushed himself away from the counter and walked over to Dean.

“Did he – you said something changed with him. What happened?” Sam asked.

Dean shook his head, remembering back to earlier. “He just… We were kissing, and then he just kind of gasped, or something? And I thought maybe I hurt him or something so I asked him if he was alright and he just looked really scared. He was staring at me and he looked as though he was ready to bolt.”

Castiel leaned forward onto the kitchen table, resting his elbows on the surface with a contemplative look on his face.

“This must be the turning point for Gabriel’s feelings to be known,” Castiel mused. The angel slowly splayed his fingers over the wooden table, the corners of his eyes creasing as he frowned. “This will not be an easy process for him.”

“Why not?” Dean asked impatiently, his fingers flexing at his sides. “He wants us and we want him. Why is that such a hard thing to—“

“It’s similar to the reason it took _you_ such a long time, Dean,” Castiel began gently.

Dean set his jaw at the reminder of a few years before, when all of this was brand new between him, Sam, and Castiel. He, like Gabriel now, had distanced himself as much as he could from his brother and angel in the beginning, scared to death that he was going to screw this up just like he managed to screw everything else up. It had taken time and a lot of patience from Sam and Castiel that Dean would forever be grateful for, but Dean finally let go of his doubts and worries, and he had allowed himself to fall in deep.

It appeared as though the same thing was happening with Gabriel.

Castiel nodded, a sad smile pulling at his lips. “Gabriel was not always this way. He was never always this closed-off. He didn’t always have such thick, almost impenetrable emotional armor, and he didn’t always hide what he felt behind humor and tricks. When he was in Heaven, he was…”

Castiel licked at his bottom lip, eyes trailing off to the side as he lost himself in memories. A soft breath escaped him, and Castiel’s smile turned wistful. “He was the most beautiful essence made of my Father’s Grace that I had ever seen. So warm and full of light. The only one that could surpass his beauty was Lucifer, but I had always believed that Gabriel the light of Heaven. He was so full of childlike joy. Always laughing, always smiling. He doted on every fledgling he came across, whether they were in his garrison or not, and he treated us with such kindness and adoration. He was the reason I knew how to love.”

A shudder swept through Castiel’s frame, and his smile disappeared as a thin sheen of tears swept across his eyes.

“And his departure was the reason I forgot how.”

Sam stepped forward, his arms tense over his chest. “Cas, what happened with Gabe… did it have to do with what happened in Heaven? With what he told us about after TV Land?”

Castiel dipped his head in assent. “With Lucifer’s rebellion came a segregation of angels in Heaven. It was Lucifer’s side versus our Father’s side, and angels died back and forth. Gabriel was witness to much of the carnage that happened, and he was also there when Michael delivered the blow that sent Lucifer down to his Cage. And then when God left, it was too much for him to take. He had seen his family die and his home destroyed and his Father had abandoned him. I never knew that it was possible for archangels to kill themselves, and I thought – I thought that’s what he did. And then he was back and I just—“

Castiel broke off here, unable to speak another coherent word past the hard lump in his throat. Sam immediately surged forward, arms outstretched to wrap around Castiel’s increasingly shaking shoulders. Castiel instantly sunk into his embrace with a choking noise and he closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall, burying his face into Sam’s neck as Sam pressed a kiss to his hair.

Dean’s jaw was trembling with the force he was putting into clenching it. He stepped over to the pair and slowly came down to a knee next to Castiel’s chair, laying a hand on Castiel’s thigh.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean murmured, swallowing hard against the throbbing ache at the back of his throat.

Castiel sighed and opened his eyes. “This will be difficult for him. Incredibly difficult.”

“Then we’ll talk to him,” Dean soothed. “We’ll talk to him just like you talked to me. He loves us, and w-we love him just as much. He needs to see that.”

Sam raised his eyes toward his brother, gaping with a mixture of perplexed pride. He hadn’t expected Dean to openly admit his feelings toward the archangel quite yet, but he had, despite his obvious struggle with getting the words out.

“Right now good?” Sam asked them both. “Now that it’s fresh?”

Dean and Castiel both heard what Sam didn’t say: they needed to try and nip this in the bud before Gabriel had the time and opportunity to distance himself from them in a new way. They were all more than willing to grant Gabriel his space in the beginning, but now that Gabriel’s emotions were becoming more open, they all needed to try and lower the last of Gabriel’s defenses.

“Yeah, now’s good,” Dean agreed. He looked up at Castiel, squeezing his thigh comfortingly. “You good?”

“Yes,” Castiel croaked, sniffing and wiping away the last of his unshed tears from his eyes before making to stand. Sam removed his arms from around Castiel’s shoulders and stood as well, quickly followed by Dean. Castiel sharply exhaled and cleared his throat, nervously adjusting his trenchcoat. “Shall we?”

“Let’s go,” Sam muttered, and they all left the kitchen in the direction of Gabriel’s room.

It was a short walk to Gabriel’s bedroom, and it was a silent trip among the three of them, the only sound that interrupted their quiet being the soft echoing clap of their shoes on the concrete corridor. By the time they arrived at the closed door, they had managed to steel their nerves to the best of their ability. Sam eyed the door with caution, lowering his brows.

“Maybe he’s asleep, should we really…?” he whispered.

Castiel briefly closed his eyes. “He’s awake,” he announced, opening them once more. “Let’s go.”

Castiel raised his fist to the door and knocked.

There was a second of silence, and then a cheerful “Yeah, come in!” sounded from within. Dean reached forward and twisted the knob, and, taking a collective breath, they all walked in.

Gabriel turned away from his bookshelf and faced the door as they entered. A flash of confusion sparked in his golden eyes and he turned himself around completely.

“Gentlemen, what can I do you for?” he asked. A split second later, any trace of confusion was wiped clean from Gabriel’s expression and a sly smirk spread across his face instead. “Or would one of you rather do me?”

In the face of a brief respite from the tension accumulating among them, Sam sent Gabriel a bitch-face, Dean flushed, and Castiel merely cocked his head to the side. Gabriel chuckled and waved a hand through the air.

“Okay, okay, this clearly isn’t a booty-call. What’s up?”

Dean coughed and nudged his elbow into Sam’s arm, glancing at him through his lashes. Sam huffed in response but stepped forward, pressing his lips together as he thought of what to say.

“Gabriel, we just, uh,” Sam began, rubbing his bicep anxiously. “Look, we wanted to talk to you. We wanted to… _revisit_ what was said earlier about your place in the flock.”

Gabriel blinked. It was subtle, but Sam saw the moment Gabriel’s guards shot up, and his heart sunk as he caught sight of the fake shine of curiosity gleaming over Gabriel’s eyes. “Okay.”

Sam nodded, licking his dry lips before he continued, “Gabe, we just wanted to let you know that we, all three of us, we care about you. We… And we know that you feel the same way. So we just want you to reconsider what you—“

A snort escaped Gabriel, startling Sam into silence. Gabriel’s mouth was parted in a surprise grin, but his eyes flared with angry panic. Sam felt Castiel tense beside him, and he noticed Dean getting restless on his other side. Gabriel huffed and took a minute step back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabriel denied, shrugging. “I told you before: I’m a bedwarmer. Don’t expect more than sex from me. You won’t get it.”

“That would be acceptable if there were no feelings there to begin with, but you have them, Gabriel!” Sam said, walking forward. He stopped himself when he noticed Gabriel’s tiny flinch at his advance, and Sam harshly sighed out his growing disdain with the archangel’s distance. “You care about us. You love us. And we – we love you, too. We do, and you—“

“Stop right there,” Gabriel growled. A fire had ignited behind Gabriel’s amber pools, transforming them into an inferno of barely held-back fury as he stared Sam down.

“Gabriel—“

“ _Stop_ ,” Gabriel snarled, and there was an unsteady hum that zapped through the air, dimming the lights in Gabriel’s room momentarily before they flickered back to their usual brightness.

Sam opened his mouth as if to retort, but his lips quivered with a lack of words, and he obliged Gabriel’s request with quiet defeat.

Dean then took his turn, coming around Sam to look at Gabriel. “No. You know what, no. Listen, I’ve been where you are right now.”

“Oh, really?” Gabriel sneered, snapping his gaze over to Dean. “I seriously doubt that.”

Dean have a sharp exhale from his nostrils, smiling grimly. “Takes one to know one, remember?”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t apply here. But if you think it is, enlighten me, then. Since you believe we share so many parallels from our wounded souls.”

Dean slowly walked forward, matching Gabriel’s steps back with a step forward of his own. “I’ve been there,” he said lowly. “I remember what it was like to feel like you destroyed everything you touch, to be so full of self-loathing that you found yourself incapable of looking in the mirror and believing you’d never feel love from someone else, _anyone_ else. I have _been_ there.”

Dean didn’t realize how bad he was beginning to tremble until he felt a warm, steadying hand cup over his right shoulder. Castiel. Dean let out the short breath he was holding and nodded.

“I might not know your exact situation, or exactly what’s got you all messed up inside that you don’t think you deserve this,” Dean muttered. “But there are people that care about you. We” – Dean gestured toward himself and at Sam and Castiel behind him – “care about you. We love you. You shouldn’t run away from that.”

For a second, there was quiet.

Then there was a scoff, and a nasty grin pulled at the corners of Gabriel’s mouth, twisting his face into something unrecognizable and nearly cruel. Loki. Gabriel’s shield.

“You’re right,” Gabriel murmured, a condescending purr flowing past his smirking lips. “You don’t understand. You don’t _get_ it.”

Castiel felt a large disturbance occurring within Gabriel’s Grace as he spoke. It radiated thick and dark emotion, practically suffocating the atmosphere surrounding Gabriel with frantic sorrow and agony, and Castiel acted without thinking. Quickly, he reached out with his own Grace and warmly coiled it around Gabriel’s, caressing him, holding him.

Gabriel recoiled with a snarled gasp, his Grace retreating away from Castiel and his eyes snapping over to glare at Castiel.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he growled.

“Gabriel…” Castiel whispered, and he tried one more time to reach out with his Grace, searching for Gabriel’s with a bit more tentativeness than before. “Brother, please—“

“Stop!” Gabriel yelled, startling both Castiel and the Winchesters with the enraged echo of his true voice ringing through the air. Gabriel’s hands whipped up to curl into his hair, glaring around at the three of them with a wild frenzy. “Fuck, just _no_! Okay?! Stop this!”

“Gabriel, we love you,” Sam pleaded. “Please, just—“

“Just _nothing_! I am not doing this! I _can’t_ do this, so for the love of everything holy and not, just _stop_!” Gabriel cried, sucking in a sharp, wet breath as his voice cracked horrendously at his last word. His eyes widened even more than they already were, flitting around his cornered surroundings fearfully, and they all recognized that sign.

Gabriel was getting ready to bolt.

Dean swallowed down whatever pseudo-masculine pride he had left and moved forward, reaching out a hand toward the quivering archangel, one last desperate attempt to ground Gabriel to them. “Gabe—“

A short gasp, a shaky snap, and Gabriel was gone in a soft flutter of feathers.

The air in Dean’s lungs rushed out with a pained curse. Behind him, Castiel slowly drew his Grace inward, and Sam ran a hand over his face wearily.

“Well,” Dean bit out. “That could have gone a lot better.”

Sam heaved out a long-suffering sigh. “Yeah.”


	6. Chapter 6

There was a reason why Gabriel everyone had long believed Gabriel was dead the first time around. When he didn’t want to be found, there was no finding him.

Castiel searched high and low and all around the globe for any trace of Gabriel. Every mountain, every outhouse, every field, every nook and cranny that Castiel could possibly think of unearthing, held a screaming lack of Gabriel. Castiel’s desperation even went so far as to search unearthly hiding places, extending his scope throughout Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, the Underworld… everywhere.

Nothing.

Sam and Dean faced the same frustrating dead end. Every day since Gabriel’s disappeared, they prayed.

Sam fumbled awkwardly with his prayers at first; should he prayed to Gabriel, or to the pagan trickster Loki, since Gabriel had long disassociated himself from Heaven? Was Gabriel even keeping a prayer channel open? How sure were they that this was going to work? But still, he rolled his head against the side of the Bunker’s entrance, turning his misty gaze to the sky, and he pleaded.

Dean fared no better. Initially, his prayers were rough with anger and littered with shouted insults, and many a whiskey bottle was shattered against the wall in his rage. But eventually, as the week tapered off, Dean’s prayers turned gentle and apologetic and wavering with his want for Gabriel to just come home already.

The two of them prayed about how sorry they were, about how much they cared for Gabriel, about how much they loved him, and about how much they wanted him home. But after a week came and went without any indication that Gabriel had received their prayers, they began to feel a dip in their hope.

It was looking more and more every passing day that Gabriel was never going to return to them, and now that Gabriel’s Grace was back to near-full archangel strength, that possibility was becoming more and more glaring.

The air within the Bunker was thick with heartache and mourning for their missing piece. Castiel was constantly gone, never once stopping his aerial search for his brother and only popping in to provide Sam and Dean with his usual lack of an update. Sam had made himself a semi-permanent residence within either in his room or the library, working long and hard through the day and into the night researching ways to summon Gabriel in a safe manner; there was no way they were going to encircle him in a ring of Holy Fire again, especially since they wanted Gabriel to return by his own free will, and trapping him with something that could kill him would only serve in adding to the distrust and fear that Gabriel was clearly feeling.

Despite wanting nothing more than to go out with Castiel and search for Gabriel, or try his hand at helping Sam with the intense research, or even just flopping down into bed and sleeping until Gabriel was back, Dean forced himself to be the one to keep the Bunker running. He got up and made the coffee and breakfast, he fetched the groceries from the store, he kept tabs on Castiel when the angel was away, and he made sure Sam didn’t skip any meals and stayed up with him when he refused to sleep.

It was exhausted, and they were all worn out and hurting.

Eventually, though, it was Dean who eventually spoke up as an attempt to pull them out of their funk.

“A hunt?” Sam asked incredulously. “Seriously? Dean, we can’t just—“

“Yes, we can,” Dean cut him off, turning his laptop screen toward Sam. “It’s nearby, next town over. Over the last three years, nine people have died from hypothermia in a room that couldn’t have been colder than sixty-five degrees. Three people per incident, and always on September 13th.”

“Which is today.”

“Exactly!”

“A haunting. Great,” Sam replied in a clipped tone, turning back to his own laptop. “Why not get Maverick or Dennis on it then?”

“Because we’re a hell of a lot closer than Maverick or Dennis or any other hunter, and you know it,” Dean pressed.

Sam sighed, giving a minute shake of the head. “Dean, we can’t just—“

“Yes, we can.”

“But Gabriel—“

“If Gabriel was coming back, he’d be–!”

Dean abruptly stopped himself before he said anything more. He closed his eyes momentarily and shoved down his annoyance, setting his jaw. Once he felt as though he could speak without his voice shaking his anger or something else, Dean opened his eyes to a despondent looking Sam staring firmly at his laptop. Feeling himself soften at the sight, Dean continued.

“Cas is on full alert for him, Sam,” Dean whispered. “He’s searching as hard as he possibly can, and as much as I hate being this – this _helpless_ , he’s doing more than we possibly can right now. You’re wearing yourself down to the bone trying to find him, Sammy, and it’s not helping him or you. You need a break from all this mind-numbing crap. In the meantime, these people need help, and we can help them.”

Sam sighed again, his resolve slowly falling. Sensing this, Dean pressed on.

“Just come on this hunt with me, Sam,” Dean coaxed. “Simple salt-and-burn, nothing too complicated, but enough so that we can blow off some steam.”

When it looked as though Sam was close to cracking, Dean pulled out the big guns.

“Please, Sam,” Dean murmured. “I can’t take being stuck here, doing nothing. I need to do something, or I’m going to go fucking insane. I can’t… I just need this. So come with me. Please?”

Sam paused for a second, his eyes flitting away from his computer screen. After a moment, he finally nodded, closing his laptop.

“Okay. Fine. Can’t hurt, right?”

::

It did hurt. A lot, actually.

What was thought to be a simple salt-and-burn of a single ghost turned out to be a fight for their lives, resulting in them battling back four ghosts that were hell-bent on killing them both. They managed to hold them off at first and fight valiantly, shooting round after round of rock salt into the ghosts as they came, but these ghosts were smart.

While two of them created a diversion to get Sam and Dean distracted, one of them telekinetically overturned the silverware drawer and shot the contents forward. As Dean fired one more round of rock salt into the ghost of a blonde female, an icy shock shot through his spine at the rapid chorus of metal slicing into skin, followed immediately by a wet gasp and then a body crashing to the ground.

Dean whipped around, and his eyes widened. “ _Sam_!”

Sam could only draw in a desperate gasp of air, his horrified eyes gaping at the ceiling with raw agony and his hands poised over the knifes protruding from his stomach and chest as if he wanted to pull them out. A steady pool of dark blood began to form underneath him, slowly spreading and seeping into the wooden floor.

“Fuck!” Dean cursed, unable to get to Sam as a balding Hispanic man appeared before him. “Cas! Cas, get your feathery ass down here _now_! It’s Sam!”

“C… Ca…” Sam gasped from the floor, his chest convulsing and bleeding profusely with every hitch in Sam’s breath. “Mmph… C—“

“Don’t talk, Sammy!” Dean urged, firing another round of rock salt. “Damnit, just don’t talk! _CAS_!”

The next breath Sam drew gurgled in his throat, and Sam felt his mouth overflow with the hot metallic taste of blood, the sting of it coating his tongue and trickling down the sides of his mouth. Cold agony stabbed in pulses throughout his body, throbbing in his veins, slowly suffocating him. He could barely hear the muffled crash of Dean’s shotgun firing, but he felt it shake throughout his core, almost as if the noise of it were his heartbeat. His true heartbeat, on the other hand, roared in his ears with every weak thrum it gave.

He could already see the dark beginning to dot in his vision, and Sam made the attempt to choke out one last prayer before his heavy eyelids began to close.

“Gab… Guh…”

“Sam, don’t you dare!” Dean screeched over his shoulder; his gun had long since run out of shells, and he had resorted to fighting back the four ghosts with an iron poker, his back to Sam as he struggled wildly to protect his younger brother. “Stay with me! Castiel, _where the fuck are you?!_ ”

A flutter of feathers whipped through the air, and Dean struck the ghost in front of him before whirling around, a relieved smile beginning to form on his face. He froze in shock.

“Close your eyes!” Gabriel bellowed, his eyes flaring a fierce golden glow. Gabriel stretched his hand outward, laying the other gingerly on top of Sam’s eyes. “Dean, close your eyes! _NOW_!”

Dean automatically obeyed, closing his eyes and tossing an arm over his face as an extra precaution. He clenched his jaw and hung on, desperately trying to remain conscious over the sudden quake that overtook the house, the fiery shrieks of the ghosts inhabiting it, and the ringing hum of the archangel’s power that threatened to make his ears bleed.

::

Sam woke with a gasp punching out from his chest, heaving the last of the adrenaline from his system as he panted. Immediately, his hand drew up to cup over his chest, and Sam flinched at the noticeable lack of scars and blood and knives and pain.

“Oh, jeez, thank God,” a voice breathed from his right, and Sam gave a minor start at the warm hand that suddenly cupped his cheek, gently moving his face until he was staring at Dean’s wide and worried eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” Dean murmured thickly once more, leaning in to press a hard but quick kiss to Sam’s lips. “You’re okay. Fuck, you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam said, his voice slightly slurred with exhaustion. “How… What happened?”

“You were stabbed by the one of the ghosts you were pursuing.”

Castiel was hovering near the left side of the bed Sam was lying on, his gaze flooded with relieved tears. He tenderly reached up and ran his fingers Sam’s tousled fringe, caressing his forehead with a soothing touch.

“It was… It was extremely close,” Castiel muttered, drawing in a shaky breath. “I just managed to get there after I heard Dean’s prayer and your own, but—“

“I got there first.”

Sam’s eyes snapped opened, having closed during Castiel’s loving ministrations, and frantically scanned his surroundings. They finally landed on Gabriel, who was leaning against the wall opposite Sam’s bed, arms crossed tight over his chest and watching the scene before him blankly.

“Gabriel,” Sam huffed and tried to sit up.

“Don’t, kiddo,” Gabriel said, smiling grimly as Dean carefully laid his brother back down. “You need to save your strength. I brought you back from the threshold, and despite the fact that you’re scarily used to that, you need to rest. Don’t get up.”

“I don’t—I don’t want you to leave again,” Sam murmured, his gaze completely locked onto Gabriel.

Gabriel sighed and ducked his head.

“See…” Gabriel began quietly. “This is why I can’t do this.”

Castiel straightened up. “Don’t say—“

He stopped as Gabriel raised his hand up for silence, visibly struggling on how to proceed.

“No,” Gabriel whispered, raising his head. “I can’t. I can’t stand this. I can’t be here and-and feel for you all what I feel because… because _this_ is what happens when someone gets involved with you. I don’t give a shit what happens to me; I’ve already died and I’ve spent months without the power of my Grace. It couldn’t exactly get any worse for me with that. But this? _I can’t do this_.”

“Gabriel?” Sam whispered from the bed, watching the archangel closely and hoping against hope that Gabriel wasn’t saying what he thought he was saying.

“I can’t do this!” Gabriel suddenly cried, startling a few tears to run down his cheeks. Gabriel sniffed, wiping his face angrily and sucking his quivering bottom lip in between his teeth. “I can’t watch any of you get hurt and I can’t watch you die, because you _will_. You will eventually die, and I won’t.”

His words began to tremble, tiny cracks splitting between his syllables, and Gabriel swallowed back the sob building in his throat before it could escape.  

“So I can’t be here. I can’t love you,” Gabriel finished, his voice trailing off into a helpless whisper. “I can’t.”

“Gabriel, please,” Castiel said, pulling himself away from Sam’s side to walk toward his brother. “Don’t go.”

Gabriel shook his head, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “I’m sorry.”

Before Castiel could reach him, Gabriel was gone once again.

“No,” Sam bit out, sitting up despite Dean’s attempts to lay him back down. “ _No_. That son of a bitch isn’t leaving us again. I’m not, I’m not going to let him come up with bullshit excuses for why we can’t all be together. No, we need to get him. We need—“

“Sam, you need some rest,” Dean interrupted.

“I’m fine!” Sam snarled. “I’m perfectly okay. I’m a little sore and tired, but I am fine. Gabriel healed me completely. I’m not hurt, I don’t need rest, but I need – we need to get Gabriel. C’mon, Dean, please. We need to get him, we can’t let him suffer like—“

“Okay, okay, shhh,” Dean soothed, cupping the side of Sam’s face in his hand. “I hear you.”

“We need to get him back,” Sam said, curling his hand around Dean’s wrist. “We have to.”

“I’ll follow him,” Castiel said, reappearing by their side. “I’ll find him, and I’ll bring him home. You’re right, Sam: enough is enough. I’ll bring him home.”

With a flurry of feathers, Castiel was gone too, and Sam and Dean were left to wait.


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, Castiel searched. He extended his omnipresence around the globe, scanning for any lingering trace of Gabriel.

But unlike last time, Castiel managed to locate Gabriel relatively quick; with the devastation and internal turmoil that Gabriel was suffering, the archangel’s Grace was unconsciously reaching out toward Castiel’s, longingly looking for any source of comfort. It was as if Gabriel was the lighthouse to Castiel’s lost ship, wailing out to him, guiding him.

Castiel followed Gabriel’s cry towards the southeast. As Castiel landed, he took in his surroundings. He was on land, and there was a loud rush of water roaring through the air. He stood at the apex of a massive waterfall. Angel Falls, Venezuela, to be exact. Castiel took a short second to appreciate the irony in Gabriel’s choice of venue before he closed his eyes, feeling the cool mist in the air accumulate on his face.

“You never could leave well enough alone, could you, Cassie?”

Castiel opened his eyes. Gabriel was standing at the edge of the cliffside, staring down into the waterfall and out into the vast forest. As Castiel approached him, he could see that Gabriel’s shoulders were tense, but shaking.

“You were always checking up on me, always bugging me. Even back in Heaven,” Gabriel continued, his voice cracking into a choking sound.

Castiel softened in the face of his brother’s distress, and he continued to step closer to Gabriel. “I know you’re scared, Gabriel. Believe it or not, I am as well. I am terrified every day for very much the same reasons you are.”

A wet, bitter laugh bubbled out of Gabriel’s mouth, and as Castiel got closer to Gabriel, he could see the glimmer of fresh tears on Gabriel’s cheeks.

“Then _why_?” Gabriel blurted out, sucking in a thick breath. “Why would you – why would _anybody_ – willingly subject themselves to this agony? And why should I, for that matter?”

Castiel smiled softly and came to a halt behind Gabriel. Slowly, so as to not spook his elder, Castiel brought his hands up and slid them around Gabriel’s waist. He took tiny steps forward until his chest was completely pressed against Gabriel’s back, and he wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s torso firmly and hugged him close.

Surprisingly and fortunately, rather than struggle, Gabriel just bit down on his lip to stifle a whimper and sagged against Castiel’s embrace. He brought his arms up to cup around Castiel’s and he laid his hands on top of his brother’s, linking their fingers together in desperation for a connection.

Castiel leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Gabriel’s neck, his lips quirking into a tiny smile at the shiver Gabriel gave.

“Isn’t it worth it?” Castiel murmured, his warm breath grazing soothingly over Gabriel’s skin, making the archangel close his eyes in response to the small pleasure. “Isn’t it all worth it, to see Sam’s gorgeous smile, or to see Dean’s light up with joy? Isn’t it worth seeing their souls shine so bright and beautiful with reverence and happiness, how they’re always suppose to? Isn’t it worth being held in their embrace, being able to kiss them, to feel them? Isn’t all of it worth it, for them?”

Gabriel ducked his head, tightening his arms over Castiel’s. “I don’t want to lose them, Cas,” Gabriel whimpered, watching as a few tears dripped from his lashes to their joined hands. “I don’t want to lose _you_.”

“But you won’t,” Castiel assured, kissing Gabriel’s earlobe. “You won’t ever. You’ll always have us.” Castiel lowered his lips down, brushing kisses down Gabriel’s jawline. “And besides, if something were to happen to us, I find it doubtful that Father would leave us dead for very long.”

Gabriel sobbed out a bewildered laugh as the joke registered in his mind, and Castiel smiled at the small victory he had achieved. Pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s cheek, Castiel hugged him a litter closer.

“It’s okay to fear losing the ones you love, Gabriel,” Castiel whispered. “We’re afraid too. It’s normal. It’s human.”

Past his tears, Gabriel snorted. “Neither of us are exactly human, Cas.”

Castiel shrugged. “That doesn’t mean that we can’t experience human emotions for ourselves,” he pointed out. “Before I came down to Earth, I never knew how… I didn’t know how to feel anymore. I didn’t know love, only loyalty and servitude. I was numb.”

Gabriel began to absently stroke his thumb along Castiel’s knuckles, clearly listening with rapt attention even as he stared down at the foaming waters. Castiel smiled warmly and continued.

I never knew that I could feel that kind of fear for someone, and then I met Sam and Dean. Met them, and loved them. After that, I never knew I could feel that much joy, that much unconditional love, for anyone other than them… and then you came along. You came back to us. Against all odds, you came back to us, Gabriel.”

“Resurrection is my thing, Cas,” Gabriel sniffed, his joking tone wavering a little under his shaky grin. “You and the Winchesters just ripped it off.”

Castiel hummed in amusement and nudged his nose into the dip behind Gabriel’s ear.

”Gabriel, do you understand how much we love you?” Castiel muttered lowly, the soft words grazing the helix of Gabriel’s ear.

Gabriel closed his eyes. “Cas…”

“Sam, Dean, and I,” Castiel said. “We all love you _so_ much. We didn’t know what we were missing in our lives until you were returned to us, and when you came back… It was as though everything had slipped into place.”

“Oh, you were all fine without me,” Gabriel scoffed lightly.

“But we were not _whole_ without you,” Castiel said. “We were not complete, and we never will be. Gabriel, if you do not love us, that’s one story. But please, _please_ , don’t let your fear stop you from reaching out and getting what you desire. We’re here, and we will catch you. We will fight for you, and we won’t let you fall.”

Gabriel trembled, a few tears leaking past his closed eyes. Castiel pressed a little closer to him.

“Gabriel, do you love us?” Castiel breathed.

Gabriel took in a gasping inhale as a sob caught in his chest, and he opened his eyes. “So much that it cripples me.”

“Yes, it can certainly feel like that,” Castiel replied, smiling lightly into Gabriel’s neck. “At the moment, you may be focused on the fear; it can feel suffocating, overwhelming, and heavy. But having that much love for someone, Gabriel... Oh, it can be so exhilarating. Light. It feels as though you’re soaring above the highest clouds and towers of Heaven.”

A laughing breath left Castiel, his eyes warm with happy tears, and he leaned forward to press his mouth to Gabriel’s cheek.

“Loving Sam, loving Dean, loving you…” Castiel sighed. “It is the closest I’ve felt to Heaven in a long time. It’s what Heaven should feel like to everyone. That overpowers any doubt or fear that I may have.”

Castiel slowly pulled away from Gabriel, slipping his hands away from the archangel’s waist. He didn’t back up too far, just enough to reach forward and turn Gabriel around. Gabriel went willingly, turning bloodshot eyes up toward the seraph. Castiel’s loving smile widened and he cupped Gabriel’s face in his hands, stroking his thumbs along Gabriel’s wet cheeks.

“I love them. I love you,” Castiel said reverently. “With all of my Grace and light, Gabriel, _I love you_.”

Gabriel really did sob this time, trembling as more tears spilled from his eyes and down his cheeks. Castiel wiped them away patiently, love shining prominently in his gaze. He drew Gabriel close until their foreheads were pressed together, cradling Gabriel’s face tenderly.

“Come home, brother?” Castiel asked.

Gabriel swallowed hard, his throat trembling, and he parted his lips.

“Yes.”

Gabriel barely had time to catch sight of the beautiful blinding smile that stretched across Castiel’s face and reply with a shaky one of his own before Castiel lunged forward, capturing Gabriel’s lips in a desperate kiss. Unable to restrain himself from whimpering this time, Gabriel’s hands shot up to grab Castiel’s biceps.

Castiel pushed himself even closer to Gabriel, swiping his tongue along Gabriel’s bottom lip. At the resulting gasp, Castiel deepened their kiss, soothingly rubbing his tongue against Gabriel’s as his hands slowly trailed into Gabriel’s hair, tugging him closer. Gabriel groaned quietly and moved a hand to Castiel’s back, bunching a fist into the trenchcoat.

As they kissed, Castiel allowed his Grace to manifest, sending tendrils of light and warmth over to his brother, sure now that he wouldn’t be rejected or dismissed. His heart thrummed pleasantly in his chest as he felt Gabriel’s Grace respond gingerly with a faint and cautious nudge, as if unsure if he should proceed.

Castiel took the opportunity to completely envelope Gabriel with his Grace, coiling around him, embracing him. Gabriel gasped into the kiss again, surging forward with renewed fervor, and he met the embrace of Castiel’s Grace with his own, sinking into the warm feelings of joy, pleasure, and love.

 _I love you, Gabriel,_ Castiel whispered through their connection.

Gabriel tightened his grip on Castiel, throwing the remainder of his doubt into the wind, and he hung on for dear life.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a long while before Gabriel and Castiel fully separated from one another and Gabriel felt completely ready to return home. He was a little scared and worried about facing Sam and Dean after leaving them twice, but he was definitely certain that he wanted to.

With a gentle smile, Castiel reached down and grabbed his hand, linking their fingers together as a comfort. Gabriel caught his eye and gave a tiny nod with a squeeze of his hand, and then they were gone, leaving Angel Falls as untouched as it was before their arrival.

They landed outside the Bunker entrance. Without wasting anymore time, Castiel gave his hand an encouraging tug and they were walking inside. Gabriel felt himself begin to tremble with every step they took, getting closer and closer to Sam, Dean, and Castiel’s bedroom where they left the Winchesters. A little bit of his fear came back at the prospect of seeing them, truly seeing them with the veil of doubt lifted from his eyes, but another squeeze from Castiel’s hand shook it away.

As they silently crossed the threshold of the bedroom, Gabriel saw Sam pacing up and down the floor, running a nervous hand into his already messed-up hair. Dean was sitting on the bed, a tight frown on his face and tapping his foot anxiously. They looked completely wrecked with worry, and Gabriel swallowed hard at having been the cause of it, tears once again welling up in his eyes.

“Um,” was all Gabriel could choke out as a greeting.

At once, Sam and Dean snapped their gazes up towards the doorway, hope and relief flooding their expressions once they saw that Gabriel accompanied Castiel back home. Sam released a hard exhale and rushed forward, practically crashing into Gabriel to envelop him in a fierce hug, burying his face into Gabriel’s hair. Gabriel stumbled a little, both from the impact and the massive wave of emotion that overtook him the moment Sam made contact, and he returned the hug quickly with a keening grunt.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel hissed, burrowing himself into the crook of Sam’s neck. A harsh sob convulsed from Gabriel’s chest as Sam rubbed his hand along Gabriel’s back. “I’m so sorry. “I, ngh, I-I love you. I love you.”

Sam sighed into his hair, kissing his scalp.

“Love you,” Sam murmured, and he pulled away.

For one irrational split-second, Gabriel froze with the thought that Sam was pulling away for good, that he was leaving him. But then Sam was back, slotting their mouths together in a hard kiss, and Gabriel fell into him with a noise that was half-moan, half-cry.

“We love you so much, Gabriel,” Sam whispered against his lips, kissing him again and again.

Gabriel just kissed him back frantically, heart throbbing and so incredibly full, drinking in everything that was Sam. A second later, Gabriel felt a warmth press against his back, and then hands were caressing his shoulders and lips were kissing along his neck, and the heat of seraph Grace was wrapping around him. Gabriel groaned and, without parting from Sam’s kiss, leaned back into Castiel’s embrace, shivering with every kiss and touch his brother gave him.

It was Sam who eventually pulled away, but he didn’t go far; Sam leaned back in to kiss down Gabriel’s neck as well, all the while whispering praises against his skin.

“Beautiful,” Sam muttered, dipping down to kiss Gabriel’s chin. He carefully began to unbutton the shirt Gabriel was wearing underneath his khaki jacket. “So fucking gorgeous, Gabe.”

Gabriel’s eyes fluttered in indecision, stuck between wanting to close in bliss or watch as Castiel slid his jacket from his shoulders and as Sam began to remove his shirt. Gabriel made a choice when a hand cupped around his jawline and gently tilted his head to the side, and there was Dean, a genuine and rare smile of adoration gracing his stubbled face. Slowly, he drew Gabriel in for a kiss of his own, keeping it chaste and light as Sam moved down to unbutton Gabriel’s jeans and slide them down his legs.

“No fair,” Gabriel mumbled, kissing Dean. “I shouldn’t be the only one getting naked.”

Dean chuckled, tenderly brushing his finger against Gabriel’s chin as he pulled away, grinning at the tiny pout on Gabriel’s lips from the separation.

“We’re getting there, Gabe,” Sam reassured, backing up a step so that Gabriel could fully step out of the pile of his clothes left on the floor. “Just let us take care of you for a sec.”

Clad in only his red boxers, Gabriel allowed himself to be led over to the large bed. His back rolled on the soft mattress as he laid down, and he sighed blissfully at the soft comfort. Soon enough, Castiel joined him on the bed, trenchcoat and tie missing, and his dress shirt already halfway unbuttoned. Castiel grinned down at him before kissing him, sweeping his tongue into Gabriel’s mouth to capture the wayward moans and whimpers.

Gabriel felt the mattress dip by his feet and briefly opened his eyes to see Dean sidle up behind Castiel, the hunter leaning in to nip playfully at Castiel’s earlobe, causing the angel to groan as Dean unbuttoned the remainder of the buttons of Castiel’s shirt and slid it off. The mattress bounced yet again as Sam finally joined them on the bed, his bare chest a hot furnace against Gabriel’s side. Sam placed his palm on Gabriel’s chest, gliding it down past his pecs, his stomach his navel, even lower…

Gabriel moaned brokenly into Castiel’s mouth and pulled away, back arching as Sam slid his fingers past the elastic waistband of the boxers and held Gabriel in his hand, stroking him languidly.

“I need… I need—“ Gabriel gasped.

“I know,” Sam whispered, reaching up to pull Gabriel’s face towards his. “Soon.”

Gabriel sighed into Sam’s kiss, trying and failing to dim down the hard pulse of emotion rushing through every limb in his body. It was hot, it was overwhelming, and it was like a breath of fresh air while being suffocating at the same time. Gabriel couldn’t get enough, and he sunk heavier into Sam’s kiss, his breaths turning more thick and ragged.

He felt a pair of hands grab the waistband of his boxers and yank down, and Gabriel raised his hips obediently and broke away from Sam, turning forward. Dean pulled his underwear down his thighs, but they were stopped by Castiel’s body. Gabriel willed them the remainder of their clothes away with a thought, completely unwilling to part from any of them for even an instant. Dean smiled in approval and moved back to pull his shirt over his head and shove his pants down his legs hurriedly, rejoining the others on the bed.

Gabriel stared up at the three before him, feeling his breath catch in his throat. Sam, Dean, Castiel… they were all his. They were _his_. His flock, his lovers, _his_. His heart began to race at the realization, and he pressed his lips together firmly. A few tears managed to slip down his cheeks, though he could hardly find it in him to feel annoyed by how much he was crying today; he was filled to the brim with almost numbing joy and his Grace singing with the closeness of his mates. _His mates_. Gabriel closed his watery eyes and a cracked moan escaped him.

“Hey,” Dean whispered from above him.

There was a shift in movement and then Gabriel felt Dean kissing him, lips warm and certain.

“You’re okay,” Dean said, pulling back to kiss Gabriel’s cheek before completely straightening up and moving off to the side. “We got you. You’re alright.”

Gabriel wanted to open his eyes, wanted to lean up and kiss Dean again, but at that exact moment Castiel suddenly slid a long and lubed finger past his entrance, and Gabriel jolted with a surprised yelp.

“Oh, fuck!” Gabriel cried, instantly caught between wanting to grind down on Castiel’s fingers and thrust up into Sam’s fist. All he could do was spread his legs a bit more and groan.

“Here, Sammy, let me,” Dean suddenly said, and Sam’s hand was gone from Gabriel’s stiff erection. Gabriel barely had time to mourn the loss of stimulation before he gave a coarse shout; Dean’s lips were wrapped around him, spread wide to take in Gabriel’s cock, and slowly taking him in as much as Dean could. Dean swirled his tongue over the head of Gabriel’s leaking cock, lapping up the dribble of precum accumulating there, and Gabriel practically sobbed.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Gabriel whimpered.

There was a hoarse laugh off to his side, and then Gabriel was kissing Sam again, Sam’s tongue and lips muffling any noises and cries that left him.

Gabriel’s head was whirling. Pleasure and emotion completely took him over, hazing his mind in the most beautiful of ways. He let himself get lost in the heat of it, senses overstimulated by Sam’s hungry kiss, and Dean practically sucking his brains out through his cock, and Castiel’s fingers (when had he slipped three in there?) spreading him out and rubbing against his prostate, and the mantra of _IlovethemIlovethemIlovethem_ racing through his brain—

Castiel carefully pulled his fingers out of him, coercing a protesting whine to erupt from Gabriel’s throat, though he didn’t part from Sam’s lips. Just as quickly, Castiel hoisted Gabriel’s legs up a little, careful not to interrupt Dean as he enthusiastically continued to bob his mouth up and down Gabriel’s weeping dick, and spread Gabriel’s legs open even more. Gabriel quaked in anticipation as Castiel lined himself up, and when Castiel finally pushed himself inside of Gabriel with one long, burning slide, Gabriel’s cry of ecstasy was swallowed by Sam’s mouth.

A groan of delight was heard from Castiel and he began to move, thrusting into Gabriel with slow and shallow movement, not nearly deep enough to strike his prostate, but Gabriel didn’t care at all. The feeling of all of his mates surrounding him, the thick tendrils of their love seeping into his essence…

It was like no beautiful and fulfilling pleasure Gabriel had ever felt before.

His Grace, so fragile and broken for the months he was here, swelled up. Healed, whole, complete, it wrapped itself around the other three, pulling Sam and Dean and Castiel close to Gabriel. It intertwined gleefully with Castiel’s Grace and the blinding light of the Winchesters’ souls, claiming them with his mar, making them _his_.

When Gabriel finally came, surging deeper into Sam’s kiss to quiet his cry, he felt the bond between all of them snap into place, connecting all of them together as one, and Gabriel broke away from Sam with a thick sob.

Panting, Sam leaned in to kiss him again, light and soft, and his fingers stroked Gabriel’s flushed cheek.

“Wow,” Sam huffed.

“What was that?” Dean rasped from below.

Castiel hissed as he pulled himself out of Gabriel, and Gabriel closed his eyes against the rough pleasure that the friction made. He blearily opened his eyes again, guilt beginning to cloud in his mind that he was the only one to obtain pleasure from what just happened, but a quick glance around his mates revealed that that wasn’t the case; while Gabriel had been lost in bliss, Castiel had apparently fingered Dean into completion, and Dean had reached across Gabriel’s abdomen to stroke Sam. Even as he pulled away, Gabriel could feel Castiel’s cock softening. He leaned back into the pillow, eternally happy with his mates’ pleasure.

“That was—” Gabriel croaked, his throat aching once more. “That was me… marking you all as mine.”

“That felt…” Dean muttered, absently placing a palm over the center of his chest. “Was that supposed to feel that way?”

“Yes,” Castiel breathed, and Gabriel watched as Castiel’s eyes sparkled with joy. “It was the completion of our bond as a flock. Gabriel… Gabriel is undeniably ours now.”

“He always was,” Sam smiled, lowering himself down to lay at Gabriel’s side. He wrapped a strong arm over Gabriel’s chest and pulled him in close, nestling his grinning face into Gabriel’s neck.

“I agree,” Dean said, and the mattress shifted as Dean crawled up to lay at Gabriel’s other side, laying a hand on Gabriel’s hip. “Only now… no fucking way you’re getting rid of us, Gabe.”

Gabriel chuckled wetly, resting a hand over Dean’s.

Castiel remained at the foot of the bed for a second longer, cleaning the mess they all created with a simple wave of the hand before he too joined the pile. Practically laying on top of Gabriel, Castiel rest his head on Gabriel’s chest and sighed.

“I love you,” Gabriel whispered once more into the silence.

The response was silent, but Gabriel gave a wobbling grin at how Dean turned his hand up and linked their fingers together, Castiel tightened his arms around him, and Sam pressed a kiss to his temple. Gabriel sighed and closed his eyes.

Surrounded by the three he loved most in the world, heart light and full of love, Gabriel fell asleep.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Thantophobia [art]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8634277) by [KD-art (KDHeart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDHeart/pseuds/KD-art)




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